My thoughts on true love

Love can be a simple thing or a complicated matter, depending on the person that you are. This is based on your personality and your thought pattern. If you are a pessimistic person, you might be very troubled over it; if you are simple-minded, you might rush into a relationship without thinking; if you are both (like me), well, no comments here. People have different reasons in the quest for love: Some are digging for their true love, some are searching for a spiritual partner, some are looking for a emotional support to fall back on. Regardless, it is something everyone yearns for, it's in the genes.

And in the quest, there's this legendary character to look out for: "true love". Legend has it that if you are able to find that person, you will be in bliss forever after. But, does this "true love" exists? What if it's just an illusion or a myth conjured up by the ancients to represent the perfect being they have imagined to be, to yearn to be with? What if it's equivalent to the image of the ever powerful, ever compassionate being who represents what we wish to become?

What's defined as "true love"? It's the person that you believe that you love most in this life. This definition itself is debatable. How do you know the person you are going out with is the true love you are looking for? What if along the lines came somebody whom you believe to be your true love? Life is a long road, you cannot expect that the person you will come to marry to be that true love you are looking for. I won't even be surprised if you meet your "true love" decades after your marriage, or even seconds after you got married. Life is full of surprises, unexpected scenarios do turn out in the least expected way you imagined.

If that's the case, you might wonder, then what's the point of getting married? From a technical view, marriage itself is only a legal procedure. From a emotional view, it is a bond between two loving people. The thought of not meeting your true love shouldn't deter you from getting married. Thinking like this will only hold you back throughout your life, and it's not worth it. See, you will never know when you will meet your true love, and the fact that determining who's your true love is as hard as searching for a needle hidden in hay.

Some people define "true love" as the person that you are only romantically interested in. This means that you will love the person wholeheartedly, without any other romantic interests in other people. This definition is questionable; there's only a very thin line between romantic love and other types of love, such as family and friends. When you are friends with somebody, this means that you do have a liking to that person, and the closer the relationship, the more you like him/her. The "like" I'm talking about here is synonymous with "love", so don't get confused. the definition is wrong because if it's truly the way it is, your spouse will be jealous of all your family members and friends, which definitely rarely happens in reality. It's not wrong to like multiple people at the same time, what's important is whether you are able to identify the person you like most and give him/her adequate attention such that the relationship won't go out of hand.

It's not that I do not believe "true love" does not exist, it's just impractical to think about it, and allows it to affect your life. What's the point of brooding over it? Please, you have better things to do besides that. The true love i believe is between two people who can spiritually feels that they are the one for each other. They must have a strong sense of faith in that belief, and able to constantly uphold to it, with utmost commitment. That's to say, whether you are able to find your true love does not exist in the physical world, it exists in your heart, in the 8th dimension.

just started on reading Marmalade Boy...

This is one amusing story... haha. The 1st volume already got me hooked, and pretty make me laugh like a madman. And no, this is not supposed to be a comedy. It's one of those romance stories in school, or rather love triangles as usual.

But what's interesting is the premise of the story. Koishikawa Miki (小石川光希) was a high school student with a pair of loving parents. Then one day, the same parents suddenly told her that they are going to divorce. Miki was terribly shocked. It turns out like this because of their trip to Hawaii. Over there, they met another married couple, and started to know them. At the end of the trip, Miki's father fall in love with the woman, while Miki's mother fall in love with the man (well, it's a two-way road, by the way). So both couples decided to divorce and remarry. Again, Miki was shocked.

When both families met for a talk, it was revealed that the other couple also have a son, named Matsuura Yuu (松浦遊), who turns out to be a handsome boy who loves to tease Miki. Well, there's more to him but let's just keep it at that.

The arrangement for the two families was to rent a big house where everyone will stay together, so that both Miki and Yuu would not have to leave their parents.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. There's also another main male character, by the name of Suoh Ginta (須王銀太）. He was on very good terms with Miki, and was also Miki's first crush, but due to some misunderstandings they were drifted apart, until a year and a half later when they started to talk normally. Well, after Ginta had cleared the misunderstandings (originally both have feelings for each other), now he had to fight with Yuu for Miki's heart.

From top left, clockwise: Meiko (Miki's close friend), Miki, Yuu and Ginta

Well, that's about the primary setting, and I wouldn't want to reveal any spoilers (I got spoiled a little while I browse through the Wiki article of Mamalade Boy... sianz). The manga spans eight volumes, which I'm now at around half of Vol. 2, and there's also a 76 episode anime made in 1994. The manga serialised in the monthly manga magazine Ribon from 1992 to 1995. Surprisingly, it was also adapted into a 30 episode Taiwanese drama named "橘子醬男孩", made in 2002, where Stella Huang (黃湘怡) took on the role of Miki while Ken Zhu (朱孝天) from F4 took on the role of Yuu.

After I finished reading the manga, it's time to go look for the anime and maybe the drama.

EDIT: I'm onto Vol 4, and Im already laughing like a mad man... It's frightening humourous...
That's not to say it's doesn't have its romantic and sad moments (there's one event which is cruelly depressing), but it seems that I click well with the author's humor. I think Akazukin Cha Cha was the only shoujo manga other than this that can make me laugh so hard...

the mrbrown show: up your cup

I just love this podcast by Mr Brown. On the rise in the price of your kopi and teh.

http://www.mrbrownshow.com/?p=839

Don't you love the his sarcasm of using small issues to highlight the big issues? Truly enlightening!

Weird dreams...

Oh my, what a hectic night yesterday is. No no, not in bed, but rather in dreams. I'm pretty sure I had made 6 or 7 different dreams last night + this morning, with different scenarios and characters, haha.

Well, the first dream is still pretty vivid to me, reason being after I woke up from the dream (at about 3am), I tell myself i will blog this dream, since this is one of the very rare times when I actually can remember my dreams. Yah, no sooner than 30 seconds, I went to sleep again and started another dream rolling.

In this first dream, I met my whole Comet platoon from my army days. Ok, not really met, since i only remember seeing Sergeant Daniel. The rest I could felt their presence. Anyway, the funny thing is, although we were all wearing the same no.4 uniform, we were somehow in a building unknown to me, enveloped in darkness, with perhaps some light from the moon. We were chatting with each other I think, and during all this time, I felt eerie presence around me. I look around me, and I saw nothing, which is really weird. Sergeant Daniel says something which I can't remember, and later i took out a camera (from nowhere) and look into it. Gosh! I saw three zombies walking towards us. I put down the camera and I look hard again, but I couldn't see anything. I think somebody suggested that we took pics so as to scare them away, and we proceeded on to do so. I look into my binoculars again (yes, i dunno why it change into a binoculars), and i saw dozens of zombies walking towards me (my my, doesn't the camera thingy reminds you of Fatal Frame, haha).

As I was thinking oh crap, time seems to fast forward until all zombies have been eradicated, and we are in some school. This time, we are all in school uniforms, and supposedly watching some play on the stage. I forgot what have I done in this part of the dream but I remember walking around the school. However, this part i might have it mixed up with dreams I had in the past, as I'm seems to be fond of having dreams that got to do with schools.

There's another dream where I remembered I was with the guys at the chalet last saturday, but I only remember seeing Bingxin. I felt the presence of Lynn, but I din see Nicholas around. Im not too sure whether Peiqi is around, since there was a girl besides me who I can't seems to recognise the face (hey no, it's not faceless), except the fact that she's quite close to me. This one is also pretty weird. The scenario is supposed to be in Bingxin's house, but since I have never been to his house before, the whole place is actually modeled after the chalet. And worst still, we were somehow sitting on corridors. We were supposed to be watching some movie on a very big screen (which seems to be from some projector). For the whole time, I was talking to the girl, and playing around at the same time. After which, the scene changed to Bingxin playing DDR using a game controller (no he was not dancing). A while later, he was playing some racing game which looks similar to Mario Kart. During all this time, Wei Chen came out of nowhere and starts talking to me over stuff I can't remember, while the girl goes away to somewhere. I think in the end it turns out that the guys start talking about video games and such. Come to think of it, this dream is really confusing. I should be able to remember most of the details, but now it's beginning to fade away...

If I'm not wrong, I should be able to remember the first three dreams when I woke up at 8am, but instead I went on to sleep again and churned out more random dreams. There's even a dream where I was blogging about my dreams!! That's all I remember about the dream, as again I have forgotten all details about it.

Maybe I shouldn't say that there's six or seven dreams. Maybe they are all part of one dream, but it became so random that I start to differentiate them.

On the ministerial salary raise

I don't want to write too much, lest I went into a frenzy and start spouting vulgarities and rubbish. It's perfectly normal, I can assure you, to be angry about it, but let's not get too emotional, "else we just risk being dismissed by the MIWs and the PAPanons as nothing more than an irrational mob hiding behind our green eyed jealousy, anectdotal evidences and anonymous online persona". Find it out for yourself in those excellent articles logically written by the S'pore bloggers.

An overview of the garmen's and the blogosphere's stands:
http://intelligentsingaporean.wordpress.com/ministers-salaries/

Are our ministers worth as much if they were to jump ship to the private sector? by Mr Wang.

If they are, as Molly Meek says, let's liberate them from their chains.

I love this article by Mr Wang. All you can get from the price of One Lee Hsien Loong.

Despite his anger, Insanepoly here managed to sum up his dissent in a logical manner. Kudos to you for speaking out our sentiments!

Alex Au examine the benchmarks, with alarming conclusions.

Singapore is a country you say? No no, you are mistaken, it's a corporation.

How do you know that you are a talented minister? Molly Meek will tell you.

Xenoboy looks at political talents in Three Kingdoms, and he says at the end: "Three Kingdoms is a story that makes sense even if it is fictional. We are living in a political moment now that makes no sense even if it is reality."

Again, Xenoboy explores whether politicians are representing the citizens, or are they representing the party...

Who made Singapore the way it is? of coz it's PAP, as pointed out by Lucky Tan. Why didn't we realise it earlier, then we will not have all the debates on their pay raise. They deserved it!

A worried or worrying garmen? by Molly Meek.

Even the Americans are impressed!! By Aaron.

Hey, it's the Mr Brown show!! Come on in as their intrepid reporter goes around interviewing the people.

Here's NCMP Sylvia Lim's views on the salary raise. Very representative of the people, but is PAP even listening to her?

Banning of Zahari's 17 years

Zahari's 17 years is a 49-min film made by Martyn See (who was also the renowned filmmaker for Singapore Rebel) that is pretty much an interview with Said Zahari, who was detained without trial in February 1963 for suspicions of being a communist or a communist sympathiser. On 10 April 2007, this film met the same fate as his previous film, it got banned by Media Development Authority (MDA), for the reason that "the film gives a distorted and misleading portrayal of Said Zahari's arrest and detention under the Internal Security Act (ISA) in 1963 and is an attempt to exculpate himself from his past involvement with communist united front activities against the interests of Singapore".

"The Government will not allow people who had posed a security threat to the country in the past, to exploit the use of films to purvey a false and distorted portrayal of their past actions and detention by the Government. This could undermine public confidence in the Government."

Interestingly, this film was given a PG rating way back in early 2006.

But anyway, thanks to the efforts of MDA, this actually might help to publicise this film. People my generation who do not bother to study history when we are in school now have a chance to know this guy named Said Zahari, since the news got spread around the blogosphere. You know, people tends to be more interested in things after they got banned. If they weren't banned, probably we won't even know about their existence. This is what you call "free publicity".

Luckily, according to Fred, although the film is banned, it does not mean that you are banned from watching it. In the case of Zahari's 17 years, "the prohibition comes under the Films Act, which means possession and distribution of the film is an offence". So as long as 1) you do not store the film on your PC, on CD-Rs, DVD-Rs, DVD-RWs, portable hard drives, handphones, mp4 players, PS3, Xbox360, PDAs... you get the idea 2) you do not pass the film around to your family, friends, lover(s), colleagues, acquaintances, the MPs of your estate area, that girl you just know from the pub, the stray cat outside your home etc 3) you do not show it in front of an audience, you should be safe from the law. Verbally passing word around should be fine I suppose, although they might take it that you are trying to publicise it and decides to detain you for questioning. So yeah, don't be so stupid and talk loudly about it, okay?

So, it's still possible to watch on Google Video, Youtube and similar video sites. Go and watch it and see what's all the hype about and try to guess the reason(s) why they have decided to ban this film. Maybe it's too violent and gory? You never know. :P

EDIT: I have watched it, and it was truly an eye-opener. It does provide the other side to the story. I cannot say anymore about it otherwise there might be knocks on my door at 4am in the middle of the night. And no, I'm not talking about ghosts, you tut.

My MBTI Personality Type

ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 8.8% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Description (http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFP.html):

The Artist

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.

ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.

ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.

ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.

ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.

ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.

The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.

The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.

Description in a nut-shell (http://similarminds.com/jung/isfp.html):

disorganized, timid, prone to discouragement, socially uncomfortable, does not like leadership, suggestible, not self confident, not aggressive, lower energy, fearful, anxious, easily distracted, prone to discontentment, guarded, not confrontational, prone to longing for a stabilizing relationship, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, easily disturbed, fears drawing attention to self, prone to confusion, private, second guesses self, prone to quitting, underachiever, fears rejection in relationships, emotionally moody, prone to sadness, dislikes change, indecisive, modest, doubting, prone to laziness

favored careers:

sports management, pediatrician, school teacher, carpenter, veterinary technician, singer, health educator, stay at home parent, hospitality worker, pastor, athlete, physician assistant, photographer, health care worker, shop assistant, stylist, website designer

disfavored careers:

professor, marketing, academic, criminal psychologist, politician, comic book artist, actor, psychoanalyst, dj, judge, entrepreneur, attorney

I'm quite surprised when it says "artist". I don't remember being a very creative person. Senses? well if it's about food, I have a terrible tongue which can't really differentiate delicacies from everyday food.

Ok, enough about jokes, the description is roughly there, that's if you are talking about the bad points of an ISFP. I don't really know about my good points, but as you can see, ISFPs are rather difficult to get close to, even though they yearn a relationship. In conclusion, I'm a weird person.

Pan and James: The chimpanzee and the bulldog

Here's a rough translation for those who do not understand japanese. It's even funnier when you know what they are saying.

Narrator: Next is abdominal muscles. We are going to test how many sit-ups can be done in 30 seconds. A ten year old boy on average will be able to do 19 times.

Narrator: How many times is Pan going to do?

Coach: Ready? GO!

(The guests are all amazed in awe)

Narrator: From the look of things, Pan is right on the pace.

(Again, the guest are all in awe, saying that it's amazing)

Coach: Stop!

Narrator: Pan is able to do 12 sit-ups. And...

Coach: Change over!
James: ?
Guest A: I think he's not able to move...

Narrator: Well, and so...

Pan: Are you ready to go?
James: I'm suffocating...

Coach: Start!

(After a while)
Pan: Come on, do it.
(after tugging James's hindlegs)
Pan: Come on, you can.
James: I can't.

(a sad music comes in...)
Pan: It's not possible after all...

Narrator: Just when he's about to give up...

Guest B: Is he going to do it?
James: yo !

Narrator: James has started to move!

Pan: Go for it!
James: Grr...

Narrator: However...

Coach: All right, Stop!

(Number of counts James manage to do: Zero.)

A run in the night

It's 4am now, and I'm still not sleepy...

Earlier on, I was thinking of sleeping at 12am after I let my PC has a rest. The poor thing is in danger of overheating since it's has been on for simultaneously 2 days... But after flipping around with too many random thoughts, I mingled with the idea for going for a run. Since it will help to deviate my thoughts, and it will tire me so that I can sleep well, plus i got a thumb-sized mp3 player to accompany me. So i change to a sleeveless shirt and a pair of army admin shorts, and brought along my pouch which i put my keys and mp3 player in.

So off i go, starting from Pasir Ris Dr 3 in the direction of Elias. The route is like this, I ran the whole of Drive 3, passing by Downtown East, White Sands and Elias Mall, until the road link with Dr 12. Cover a bit of Dr 12, before I go into Dr 1 and ran all the way back to Dr 4, which is where my home is situated. In a nutshell, I pretty much covered most of the HDB circumference of Pasir Ris.

How much distance is that? I calculated it using the online street directory, and to my shock the whole of Dr 3 is already worth 6+ km, which means the whole distance is not less than 12 km. Wow, this time I'm really proud of myself. Time? About 1 hour. Haiz, dunno whether 12km/hr is fast or slow, but i feel that I'm running at my own leisurely pace for the whole time, thus I din pant until I think i reach around 8 km i guess. After that, it was a speed comparable to a tortoise, as I feel the fatigue in my legs. Yah, I think i gave up a bit too easily, as I start to walk when I reach Dr 6, which is where the two 24/7 coffeeshops are situated at, which is already pretty near to my house.

Does the run deviate me from my thoughts? Somehow, since I can't multi-tasked, so i either have to focus on my run or risk tripping over some unturned stone. Well, the music I listen to (my regular anime songs hehe, from a wide range of genres) did the most part in getting me to keep running. As I focus on the run and listening to the music, I don't have enough attention for other things. And luckily, the path is pretty lone, since it's a Sunday night and most people will already be sleeping. I think I only saw two cyclists, a couple at the bus stop and a few guys at the void decks (people at the petrol stations doesn't count) for the whole journey.

The only frustrating thing is that my earphones keep dropping off, because of my sweat. Halfway through, one is left dangling by my neck. A while later, my ears are so slippery that the earphones can't even be held for a second. Without music, it will be boring to run, so i turn it to full volume while the earphones are dangling. However, every step I took disrupts the music a little. Thus I have to resort to holding the mp3 player (without the earphones. There's an in-built speaker) while I run.

And yah, i forgot to bring a towel, so the sweat keep irritating my eyes, so I have to wipe them off every other time. And I was also wearing contacts (i dun like to glasses, sicne they always slip off, again due to my sweat. Ah... the wonders of contacts :P) too. Next time i need to tie a towel like a bandanna around my head...

I realised upbeat music is good, since I tend to follow the beat by synchronising my steps with the beats. But it also tend to wear me out. Culprit? "Break Out" by JAM Project. That was one song that really perks me up, hahaha. Although I put my playlist on random, a song incidentally got played two times, and it was one of my favourite songs too, "everlasting song" by FictionJunction Asuka. I was rather happy when listening to this song, but too bad it's a slow-moving song, so my pace also becomes very slow...

As I got home, I really feel very tired, and gulp down around one whole 1.5L bottle of water (now then i realise my nickname of 水桶/water barrel is very befitting). With a shower and having to wash my contacts, I realise I'm back to square one, since I have to wait for my hair to dry, so I read some manga, and it took away any sleepy thoughts I have. Moral of the story? Dun read (interesting to the point that it pumps your blood) manga before you sleep...

Back to trying to go to dreamland soon...

Thoughts on Kimi ga Nozomu Eien/Rumbling Hearts

I spend the whole of Sunday watching the whole of Kimi ga Nozomu Eien, also known as Rumbling Hearts or KGNE. Yes, that was one Sunday wasted, but at least it's wasted on a good anime which few can compare.

This was originally a h-game, a text-adventure game with sex scenes in it, but it was so popular that the PC game got transformed into an "all-age version" where anything that's inappropriate for young audiences is taken out or censored, which is released on the DC and PS2 within a year or so from the release of the original PC game. It's not difficult to see why it gain such a huge fanbase and became so popular. When a game is text-adventure based, it is important to have constant care for the dialogue which makes up the plot, the mot crucial factor in deciding the quality of such a game, or it will become very boring. But many h-games out there (or at least most of the earlier ones) failed to understand that and instead treat this genre of PC games as some sort of sex simulation games, to fulfill the innermost desires and fantasies of those who played it. Over the years, there have been a bit of emphasis on the plot and character development, but the amount of disturbing scenes fails to convince players that these is not even central to the storyline, and are there just for the player's "pleasure". This is one major pit that most games fall into, and fails to redeem themselves.

KGNE is very different from such games. It is one of the very few h-games that give so much emphasis on the plot and characters, and every scene is there to compel the storyline. Although the game is still pretty much a harem game, where you can date many girls, the plot is centred on the two heroines, Suzumiya Haruka and Hayase Mitsuki. There are also a substantial amount of sex scenes, which might be a bit hard to swallow but is nonetheless important to the setting and progress of the story. The game is also widely reveled as one of the best in its genre, putting it alongside famous titles such as AIR, Kanon, Utawarerumono, Fate/Stay Night, Tsukihime etc.
Good emphasis on drama incidentally also means that it will get very emotional at times, so there are cases where you decide whether a h-game is good by judging whether you will cry while going through the game. That's my point of view, so it might be different for every one of you out there. This game is also the claim to fame for its company, âge.

++++++++++++++++++++++++SPOILER ALERT+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For me, KGNE is very heartbreaking. If there's one thing I've learned from this anime, it's that never to take things for granted. You won't know something is precious until you lose it. By then it will be too late. This is a very common saying, but it's shown explicitly in this anime, if you look hard enough. We knows that Mitsuki loves Takayuki very much, to the extent of looking after him for that one year when he's so depressed from Haruka's accident. However, towards the end of the series, you will realise

Mitsuki three years later

that Takayuki is too focused on fulfilling his responsibility to Haruka who has woken up from her three-year slumber (he believes that he's the indirect cause for the accident), that he gradually forgotten about Mitsuki who had always been supporting him. He was such a blockhead that he did not even notice that when Mitsuki broke up with him in a tearful manner. It was only until his long-time friend, Shinji, beats the hell out of him, and when Haruka realise that she's only chasing after the Takayuki from three years ago, and decides to move on instead of dwelling on the past (thus she says "Goodbye" to Takayuki...), that he finally understands what was most precious to him all along. Yes, this anime follows Mitsuki's route in the game, which means the person Takayuki ends up with is none other than Mitsuki, which is why the direction tends to be from Mitsuki's perspective, instead of Haruka or Akane (Haruka's little sister).

Choosing Mitsuki's route is a better choice for the anime in my opinion. And in reality, if I'm given a choice, I will choose Mitsuki. Although I do feel sorry for Haruka, the fact is that Mitsuki had done more than Haruka. You can call it betrayal (that's what Akane says to Mitsuki all the time), but you have to make a choice. It's either Haruka or Mitsuki. You can't expect a threesome ending from this (is it even possible?? =p), so you can't have the best of both worlds.

"Mayauru no Okurimono" The picture book that Haruka always want to buy, the symbolic item of the relationship between Takayuki and Haruka

I know about KGNE way long ago, and because it's so famous, I have been hearing good reviews for it. It even got aired in Singapore on the anime slot in Arts Central broadcasting at midnight (you wouldn't want your kids to watch this, first thing first it's already showing hints of possibly encouraging them to have sex at the same age as Takayuki and Haruka). But as there's so many animes that I want to watch (my current anime to-watch list stands at around 50 titles, PHEW!!), I pick them randomly, or when I feel like it. The trigger came when Joy ask me about this anime that was aired in Arts Central. From her words (she told me about practically everything in the first episode), I already figured it should be KGNE, even though I know nuts about it. The only things I know are that it's a romance show in a middle school setting. It was easy enough, since the other animes broadcasted on Arts Central are all rather distinct from each other (Inuyasha, Shaman King, The Twelve Kingdoms, Technolyze. Samurai 7 etc). After some research, it is as I suspected. And I immediately went on to find the series and watch it. As simple as that.

Joy once told me that Takayuki is one (hell of a) indecisive fellow who doesn't even realise he's a lucky man in midst of a very caring girlfriend. I have to agree, he's a jerk. But his character is, I feel, very close to reality. If it's me in the same situation, I feel that I will also act in the same way as him. Takayuki is a very nice person (he frequently got praised for that), but that itself is a double-edged sword. You might say that being nice is a good trait, but looking at the situation where he has Mitsuki as his girlfriend while he needs to take responsibility for Haruka, he wants to be nice to both, which is why he tries to juggle the scale between the two of them. However, you will realise the scale is actually more inclined towards Haruka, as Takayuki feels that he had already been together with Mitsuki for three years, while Haruka had been alone in her coma for three years. Naturally, he will want to give more attention to Haruka, to compensate for all the time she had lost. All this sounds logical to the normal guy, but I will bet that girls wouldn't be able to understand this. Look at Mitsuki, she is very jealous of the attention that Takayuki has been giving Haruka, and she wants Takayuki entirely to herself. Of course, Takayuki with his logical reasoning fails to see this coming, and frequently quarrel with her about this. It's not entirely Mitsuki's fault either, as Takayuki is incapable of balancing the scale in his heart, and being the delicate woman that Mitsuki is (despite her strong front, her heart is as fragile as glass), she will be able to sense any little abnormality from Takayuki, and the fact is, Takayuki is not as focused on her as before. Seems that guys are really bad at multi-tasking... They focus on one thing, and fails to take care of the other. It's not easy to be nice to everybody, and boy, we are only looking at two girls here. Yes, Takayuki may be a jerk, but any guy out there can be a jerk like him, even me.

And regarding that Takayuki look pretty "normal" and not being really a handsome guy as pointed out by Joy, I will say that he does look normal, or rather a cliche design for male mains in anime. Having said that, this anime (or rather h-game) is originally geared towards a guy audience, which means more emphasis is put on the girls rather than the guys. Why would we guys be interested in looking at whether the males are handsome or not? Duh. Any normal guy will tell you that 99% of the time, we are looking at the girls. (1% is when we look for the button to fast forward the scene which have no girls), LOL. Ok, that last sentence is just a joke.

There's one part in the story which left me quite disturbed. After Mitsuki had finally decides to break off with Takayuki, he seems to be very depressed (but not as serious as he is after Haruka's accident), where he will just stay at home, not going to work, once again like a living zombie. However, after some days when he finally decides to go back to work, you are able to see that he's still smiling happily as usual at the restaurant. Shinji, his long time friend, got really pissed when he saw this, and proceeds to confront him. He was chiding Takayuki over why didn't he do anything to get Mitsuki back, despite the fact that he knows Mitsuki loves him so much and had been supporting him, and actually have the nerve to joke around. (well Takayuki did try to call Mitsuki, but she deliberately ignore his calls. I will say that he's not really doing much...) [Note: This is the geez of their conversation, it's actually much more complicated, relating to events that happen even before the two broke up]. But to Takayuki, he doesn't know what he should do, as he was still pretty dumbstruck by the shock, so he says that he can't help it, and shout to Shinji what is he supposed to do. Shinji shoot back at him, telling him that's something for him to think about. A calm Takayuki at this time tries to push responsibility to Shinji, since he knows that Shinji does hold some feelings towards Mitsuki. Immediately, a punch from an angered Shinji flies to Takayuki's face. "I can't, damn it!! You are the only one who can!!" (Why do you think Mitsuki chooses you, not me in the first place... is what I think Shinji is thinking at this moment) .

You know the harsh reality. Guys can be so cold-hearted that they forgot about the break-up after a while. In Takayuki's case, you might argue that he's trying to hide his depression by laughing frivolously, since sub-consciously he does not want to return to the old days where he's like a zombie walking around. And the most scary part is that he actually shirks the responsibility to Shinji in a very calm manner. There can be another reason for this, it's that he has blanked out his mind and couldn't think properly of what he's going to say. But this argument has double meanings. Since he can't think properly, whatever he's going to say is the truest to his heart, just like how people tend to burp out secrets when they are drunk. If you knows that the girl you broke up with loves you that much to the extent of sacrificing everything else in her life (Mitsuki did gave up her swimming, her studies, and her social life just to be with Takayuki. She once says that, if Takayuki was to leave her, she will have nothing else in her life anymore, providing the reason as to why she is so intent on getting Takayuki to stop seeing Haruka), will you be as calm as Takayuki as to push the happiness of that girl to another man, even though you know that she can only be happiest if she's with you? Again, it can be argued that Mitsuki is the one who suggests the break-up, so regardless of what Takayuki think he can do to try to save the relationship, it's ultimately up to Mitsuki to decides, which will be very hard, since after all she's the one who suggest it. If there's even a slight possibility that the relationship can be saved, why would she go through all the trouble of breaking up? Here comes the decisive split between the thinkings of a guy and a gal. The way the two sexes think is way off from each other, it might even be said that their logical thinkings when it come to handling of their inner emotions are different as well. While a guy may perceive as what I say above, a gal might not think this way. She might even think that if the guy even makes the greatest effort to run back after her, despite the difficulties which a guy comprehend as "no matter how I manage to pass through the obstacles, the result will still be the same. She won't change her mind", she might even consider changing her mind. What the guy comprehend as 0% in success rate, the gal may actually comprehend it as a much higher rate (at least it's not 0%). What the guy see as having totally no chance, the gal is able to see there's actually the slightest chance.

it's really funny how can such a guy-inclined romance anime like this leads me to think so much?
Most animes of such type are typically no-brainers, so watching KGNE really come as a surprise. Heck, it might even be better than watching shoujo animes, since KGNE is all about the perspective from a guy's viewpoint. The only other guy-inclined romance show that is on the same scale is "I''s" (which I have the whole manga series, hehe), but that will be left til the next time.

Time will never turn back, no matter how you wish... It's all but a memory

I seems to love inspirational films...

Went out with the usual guys today (ok, it's actually more than usual), to Plaza Singapura to watch a movie. Initially, as we are on the free shuttle bus to PS, we were all discussing which movie should we watch. Mr Bean's Holiday was initially the first choice, since it's very funny according to Ben, but we went to explore other choices.

300 - dropped because Ben had watched it plus I do not think Joy and Adele will like it.
Blood and Chocolate - dropped because of some reason I forgot, though it was supposedly appealing to the girls
Meet the Robinsons - dropped because it was suppose to premiere on 5th April. However when we are at the cinema, it has actually already started airing but seats are going fast
TMNT - dropped because the thought of ninja turtles battling dinosaurs is WAY OUT, even though we will love to see them in action...
The Number 23 - dropped as I remember it's very crappy
Music and Lyrics - will be a good choice but Adele have watched it
Pathfinder - dropped because reviews are bad
Nada Sou Sou - dropped because we have no idea what is it about. The only thing i know is that it's a jap film
Shooter - One of the contenders but seats are running out

Problem with seats running out fast is that we have six people watching, and it will be so difficult to find a chain of seats for us, so we have to look for timings that is not running out fast.

Mr Bean's Holiday was eventually dropped because the seats are running out fast for most of the timings. As we were still thinking and as we saw the very long queue, we were about to concede to not watching anything. Until Adele points out that there's Freedom Writers.

I first know about this movie when I saw the trailer while watching Dreamgirls with Adele and Kel, and at that time Adele was already showing a profound interest in it. Joy was fine with it (... she's fine with anything anyway...), HJ and Kel were fine with it too, and YM to my surprise was already thinking of watching this movie anyway. There's only one timing, but the tickets were still going slow, so Kel and I went to queue up.

When we bought the tics, we were given the choice of whether to buy a combo for $6 which consist of a very large tin of popcorn and a large size 32oz drink. We took it anyway since the amount of popcorn is worth the price (it's still overpriced, but it's cine-snacks, what do you expect anyway?). What we didn't expect is that the girls will soon be "fighting" over that large circular tin can, haha. Ok, they din really fight, it's more like a matter of pushing the tin can to each other, since they are so pacifist. Originally it's only Adele and HJ, but after Joy saw the actual tin can, she said that she wants the tin can too. In the end, the tin can was taken by HJ, and since HJ found (or rather she was given i think) another tin can at the end of the movie, the extra one was given to Joy. (Adele remarked that she has no space in her home anyway for the tin can)

Anyway, here's the synopsis for Freedom Writers, taken from RT:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++SPOILER ALERT++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Based on actual diary accounts of several teenagers following the LA riots, FREEDOM WRITERS is the story of an idealistic teacher’s attempts to make a difference in the lives of her at-risk students. Located in gang-ravaged Long Beach, California, Woodrow Wilson High is a hotbed of violence due to a voluntary integration program which brings Black, Latino, Asian, and White students together. Rather than having the desired effect of creating healthy diversity, this program breeds constant war between all parties involved, the result being daily gun shots, constant racial slurs, and gang violence.

Played largely by young unknowns, the freshman class in question is both naïve and wise beyond its years. While never having heard of the Holocaust, these kids are well-versed in the pain of poverty, the legal system, and death. Despite being up against unthinkable violence, devoted first-time teacher Erin Gruwell (Hillary Swank) never gives up, slowly bonding with her class of at-first unreachable pupils, breaking down their tough exteriors and getting at the real people beneath through requiring the students keep daily journals. Meanwhile, a strain is put on Erin’s marriage as her student involvement gradually takes priority over her personal life. The intensity with which Erin relates to her work threatens her husband (Patrick Dempsey), who in seeing Erin’s transformation, is reminded of his own stagnancy. Thanks to a catalogue of films including STAND AND DELIVER and DANGEROUS MINDS, any film about inspiring teachers risks feeling redundant and preachy. But writer/director Richard LaGravenese manages to put a fresh spin on this already familiar formula thanks to powerful performances by Hillary Swank, Imelda Staunton, and several newcomers. While slightly predictable, FREEDOM WRITERS critiques the public education system in an ultimately moving way.

Hillary Swank is utterly convincing in her portrayal of Erin Gruwell, which shouldn't come as a surprise as from the production notes, firstly, she was the first actress requested by Ms Gruwell to act as her. Secondly, in order to get involved in the movie, she even took a pay cut. And thirdly, she was so inspired by Ms Gruwell and the Freedom Writers that she interact with them on several occasions to better understand them, and took a part in being the executive producer for this film.

Based on a true story, most of the context have been kept as close to the original as possible. You might think the plot have been too far fetched and exaggerated, but according to the production notes, Director LaGravenese, who is also responsible for screenplay, based the film mostly on the excerpt of the diary and the numerous interviews he has with the Freedom Writers. The diary entries reproduced in the film are used straight from the original text, with the permission of the Freedom Writers. Even they have remarked how close the film is to their actual story, except for the gang-battling part which have been exaggerated to add more suspense to the movie. Yes, even the part about raising money to invite Miep Gies to their school is real. And the four Holocaust survivors who spoke to the Freedom Writers? They are not actors, they are themselves.

The part of the film that perhaps triggered my thinking is where Scott, the husband of Ms Gruwell, decides to divorce her, as she has been spending most of her time either with the kids in her class, or working at two part-time jobs to substantiate activities for again, the kids. One argument that I can remember (may not be entirely reproduced from the film):

Erin: Why can't you be a husband to me, like how a wife is to a husband?
Scott: Because I cannot be that wife.

On first sight, Scott is being very chauvinistic here.

But there seems to be another interpretation to what he says. He might be saying that he's not up to the job of being the support pillar for Ms Gruwell. It's not that he doesn't support what his wife have been doing, heck, he's even proud of her for all the noble stuff she has done. But he cannot handle the guiltiness of not being able to live the way he wants to live. Ms Gruwell has somehow fulfilled her destiny, but he haven't, shown in the film when he's not willing to pursue his dream of being an architect citing he's too old to go back to school. Ms Gruwell did not mean to make him guilty, but it does come nonetheless, whether or not there's the intention in the first place.

I once thought that divorce is something that shouldn't happen in the first place. If you are going to get divorced, why should you get married? If you are not going to love each other, what's the point? Yes, love might get diminished along the way, but i feel that it's the responsibility of the couple to maintain their marriage. Some people might say that they are not fit for each other after all, if then you shouldn't even rush into a marriage in the first place. Some might even say that people will only show their true self after their marriage, well that's yours to blame for not able to realise that and not being able to see through your mate, so you just have to suck it up. The only valid reason i can accept for divorce is adultery.

But as I look at Ms Gruwell and Scott, they got divorced because of totally different reasons. It's not that they do not love each other anymore, in fact they love each other very much. It's not because of a third party either (the kids in her class are not considered to be, as much as I'm inclined to believe so, haha). It's something, I will say, comes along as events progresses. It's not really possible to pit the blame on any of them. Ms Gruwell is just fulfilling her destiny to the best of her abilities, and it's not that she has forgotten about her husband, she hasn't. She shares her stories with the kids with him everyday, and has even invite him to come along on those class activities, which even her own father is also involved in. It's just that she does not have enough time for him, but yet she has been very conscious of him in every way she could. It might not be the best, since she's too occupied with her job to take note of his feelings, but she has been doing her best. Scott is very loving of her wife, can be understanding what she's doing save for a few misunderstandings. But you see, as much as Ms Gruwell wanted a husband to be at home waiting for her to come back and wishing her "Welcome back", or rather as a support she can always rely on, Scott also needs the same thing. However in reality Ms Gruwell was unable to do that, and Scott had to suppress his feelings to accommodate for her. He cares for her, especially when it comes to taking 2 jobs to supplement her main job which he's strongly against, but seeing her determination and passion, he can only let her do as what she wish. As a man, he would want a wife to stay by his side, as a safe haven for him whenever he comes back from battling storms and winds, but Ms Gruwell is not able to fit in that role.

Their expectations of each other is very different, and cannot be fulfilled by neither one either. This change comes about much later after their marriage, so it is something they are not able to foresee. The outcome of their marriage comes unexpectedly, and as events go, the flow is not able to stop.

This led me to think, if I have a wife who is passionately pursuing her dreams, her destiny, will I be able to support her all the way? Or will I break down like Scott, and end up in such a sad outcome? Can my love for her transcends every trap and obstacle in my marriage, and will she be able to understand it? This is a very difficult question to answer right now. I can only wishfully hope that if such a scenario occurs, I will be able to lead up to a positive outcome.