Today, according to my lecturer my class was supposed to end early, which was out of my expectations. And so, during the short break, I SMS Phil and Zhiye to meet them for supper, since before that Phil keep telling me to go Geylang. Somehow recently he got an obsession with Geylang, and no it's not because of the chickens, but rather the "shaobing" at the "You Tiao Da Wang". I didn't like the place because of the terrible soya bean milk and beancurd. However I keep declining him, the main reason is because he keep asking me to go Geylang at the most unorthodox timings: When I got a class in the evening. And so instead I coaxed him into eating near his place, at the muslim kopitiam which was my obsession lately, because of the prata kosong. Well, it's just normal prata, but I like it. And I also like the teh alia (ginger tea) over there.
However, when I come back from the break, the lecturer gives us a question to do, which took us 10 mins. All was fine until he starts explaining the answer. It can be finished in less than 5 mins and he took more than double the time to do it. Worse still, his laptop hanged and he had to restart it, resulting in more lost time. I was kinda pissed as it was already difficult to jio ZY out at night since his parents will nag at him. With the delay, ZY decided not to go anymore, and so I can only blame on my far-sightedness.
During the break, I talk to Michelle about Kino, since she's a dog lover. Turns out that Kino is a shitzsu, but not of a pure breed. According to Mich, a pure breed will have "pa jiao" eyes" and lower teeth which keep sticking out. And I thought Shuang got the nickname because she looks like one, but after comparing, I failed to concur. Although probably her dog look like her, and vice versa (you know there's this saying that tell of the similarities in looks between a dog and its owner, and it's pretty true too, i think)
Anyway, even though ZY is not going, I decided to go anyway, although initially I told Phil that I won't be going unless ZY is going (this is one old tactic we used to escape from Phil's clutches, haha). One reason is because i feel like eating my fave prata kosong, another reason... well, forget it.
When Phil and I meet in the kopitiam, I went with my usual order of prata kosong (this time 4), while Phil goes with a small plate of bee hoon goreng ayam. Because I replied too late, Phil had too full of a dinner, which he blames on two pineapple slices he ate, but then decided to accompany me anyway.
Prata was still good, but the curry was quite watery. But I didn't really care as long as the taste is there. We were expecting the ayam (this means chicken) to be diced, since it's supposed to be fried together with the bee hoon, but turn out that they just throw huge chunks of boney chicken into it. Phil find it rather unique, while I find it weird. The bee hoon was too "wet" according to Phil but I didn't care since I like bee hoon anyway. The good thing about it is probably that it's "sweet" enough.
Tried to get Sng down, and it took him around 20 mins to get down, even though his house is VERY near the muslim kopitiam. I asked him, and he told me that he was in the midst of playing Musou Orochi on his PS2 when I called him, and the game cannot be saved at that point. So the time was used to complete the stage and to save the game.
As Sng was talking to a friend he met at the kopitiam, Phil and I went into the topic of love. He was explaining to me and Sng previously about what's love and lust in his view, and I find it rather refreshing, though Sng seems not to agree.
To put it bluntly, lust is not about sex. The reason is simple, when you love somebody, you will want to have sex. It's just that natural. It's an instinct. To Phil, lust is more like a situation where you expect the person you love to love you in return. Because if it's love, you will be able to care for that person without thinking of yourself, but rather place your priority on his/her happiness. So even if that person in the end does not become yours, you are still able to wish for his/her happiness, since you love him/her. I know this sounds like it's from a drama, but I have stated before, this is a blunt summary. Obviously Phil means more than that. He's not Phil for nothing isn't it?
When I (or rather Phil, I assume) say happiness, it refers to the best that the person could have ever achieved, in terms of maturity, physically and emotionally. Yes, sometimes in order to wake the person up, you might need to resort to drastic measures, if that's the only way the person could ever understand, but it's all for his/her good. So technically, in such a situation, yes, you are placing your priority on his/her happiness.
In Sng's viewpoint, this can be rather unrealistic, and to put words in his mouth, trying to be holistic. That may be the case, but I'm still inclined to Phil's idea, even though it's new to me. Not that I never thought of this before, but not on such a level and absolutely I have never thought of such a definition for lust. It didn't occurs to me before, but when I heard the (wise) words, I came to understand and accept it. Although in the past I've been influenced greatly (and trying to resist) by Phil, this time it's not the same case anymore. I'm able to agree with him with my own heart, and for a short period of time, we are actually on the same wavelength, although I suspect that he's matching my wavelength.
We have talked more than this, but now I'm a bit too tired for it, since I'm blogging in the middle of the night.
Interesting talk I had with Phil today (and not forgetting Sng's contributions, though he keep getting suaned by Phil for being out of track). It's too bad you are not there, ZY, or we could have argued more. I look forward to the next serious-talk-cock session.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Something to think about
When I was having a headache from an hangover and still looking through the blogs that I regularly, I found two story/excerpt that might be inspiring to you, or rather to who ever is reading this damned blog. And yah of course, me, or I won't even bother probably.
From Diary of a Singaporean Mind, originally from 938 Live
An investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied, "Only a little while."
The banker then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The fisherman said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, go for walks with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. As you can see, I have a full and busy life."
The banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat! With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to the capital city. After that, who knows, maybe you could take on the world!
The fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the banker replied, "I’d say about 15 to 20 years."
"But what then?" asked the fisherman.
The Banker laughed and said, “That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions?...Then what?" the fisherman continued prodding.
The banker said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, go for romantic walks with your wife, and in the evenings you could sip wine, play guitar and sing songs with your friends!
To which the fisherman mused, “Now isn’t that strange… Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”
If you think that you know what is 知足, think again.
From Mr Wang Says So, Originally an excerpt of a speech from Steve Jobs
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
[Describes his personal encounter with cancer]
... This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Death itself is not scary (because everyone have to go through that eventually). It's what we think about death that makes it scary.
From Diary of a Singaporean Mind, originally from 938 Live
An investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied, "Only a little while."
The banker then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The fisherman said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, go for walks with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. As you can see, I have a full and busy life."
The banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat! With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to the capital city. After that, who knows, maybe you could take on the world!
The fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the banker replied, "I’d say about 15 to 20 years."
"But what then?" asked the fisherman.
The Banker laughed and said, “That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions?...Then what?" the fisherman continued prodding.
The banker said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, go for romantic walks with your wife, and in the evenings you could sip wine, play guitar and sing songs with your friends!
To which the fisherman mused, “Now isn’t that strange… Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”
If you think that you know what is 知足, think again.
From Mr Wang Says So, Originally an excerpt of a speech from Steve Jobs
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
[Describes his personal encounter with cancer]
... This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Death itself is not scary (because everyone have to go through that eventually). It's what we think about death that makes it scary.
Another drinking session...
As I write this post, I'm still drinking on a mix of volka and Arbor Mist (Blackcurrent) [a fruit wine]... Yes, i concocted it so that I can get drunk easily (it's known that mixing beer, wine and/or liquor together provide a instant kill), but then Jonathon and Qiyuan got "knocked out" instead. No, it's not because they were too drunk, it's because they are very tired and also of my boring story.
But sadly in the end both got "knocked out" before I do. ZY, hope you can entertain my useless thoughts by not being drunk before I do, since I'm prone to confessing (probably) anything when I'm really drunk.
Just to fill out some plot holes, Jonathon and Qiyuan are two good friends I've known in the medic course when I'm in the army, and I actually know Qiyuan way back when I'm in Temasek Secondary School. He's my junior in my CCA.
I really shouldn't drink... ok that's just an excuse for being drunk. I'm dying to get drunk. Two reason I suppose... One is because I tend to spill out anything in front of people who are unrelated to what i'm talking about and only apply to close friends (currently only applies to my sec sch close frens such as Phil, ZY and Sng and medic friends, Jonathon and Qiyuan)... the other one is that I want to test my limit. Surprisingly for the times I've drink, I've never puked, no matter how much I drink, not even now.
Ok, at this moment I'm feeling giddy liao, and for some reason when Im giddy, i will tend to drink more. Remind me of the time when I drink a whole cup of volka neat (probably 250ml) when i'm already quite drunk at the chalet when the rest of the gang are on their way home.
I'm probably going to go bonkers here, as I trying to type in total darkness (I off the lights so taht the two of them can sleep peacefully) while still drinking my concoction. Probably you will have guessed, I'm writing this entry because there's no one for me to talk to, since the two I"m talking to are already "knocked out" (I seriously need somebody who can drink as well as me). Oh well, luckily I have this blog...
Fear not, since I'm still supposedly sober enough to know WHAT not to write, though my world seems to spin around, I will try not to reveal anything here. Believe me, I can't be bothered to write anything important here, i think.
Better not to write more, as I finally feel that I will soon write rubbish, as i drink too much...
I'm sorry to get so drunk again, even when I feel so sorry for it... (ok I did realise that apologizing for all the wrong things IS the tendency I have when I drink TOO MUCH, and I've no control over it, so you know when I'm drunk, what I will turn out to be)
NOTE: This article was modified several times for grammatical mistakes when I was drunk ( i suppose).
But sadly in the end both got "knocked out" before I do. ZY, hope you can entertain my useless thoughts by not being drunk before I do, since I'm prone to confessing (probably) anything when I'm really drunk.
Just to fill out some plot holes, Jonathon and Qiyuan are two good friends I've known in the medic course when I'm in the army, and I actually know Qiyuan way back when I'm in Temasek Secondary School. He's my junior in my CCA.
I really shouldn't drink... ok that's just an excuse for being drunk. I'm dying to get drunk. Two reason I suppose... One is because I tend to spill out anything in front of people who are unrelated to what i'm talking about and only apply to close friends (currently only applies to my sec sch close frens such as Phil, ZY and Sng and medic friends, Jonathon and Qiyuan)... the other one is that I want to test my limit. Surprisingly for the times I've drink, I've never puked, no matter how much I drink, not even now.
Ok, at this moment I'm feeling giddy liao, and for some reason when Im giddy, i will tend to drink more. Remind me of the time when I drink a whole cup of volka neat (probably 250ml) when i'm already quite drunk at the chalet when the rest of the gang are on their way home.
I'm probably going to go bonkers here, as I trying to type in total darkness (I off the lights so taht the two of them can sleep peacefully) while still drinking my concoction. Probably you will have guessed, I'm writing this entry because there's no one for me to talk to, since the two I"m talking to are already "knocked out" (I seriously need somebody who can drink as well as me). Oh well, luckily I have this blog...
Fear not, since I'm still supposedly sober enough to know WHAT not to write, though my world seems to spin around, I will try not to reveal anything here. Believe me, I can't be bothered to write anything important here, i think.
Better not to write more, as I finally feel that I will soon write rubbish, as i drink too much...
I'm sorry to get so drunk again, even when I feel so sorry for it... (ok I did realise that apologizing for all the wrong things IS the tendency I have when I drink TOO MUCH, and I've no control over it, so you know when I'm drunk, what I will turn out to be)
NOTE: This article was modified several times for grammatical mistakes when I was drunk ( i suppose).
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Pets and I
I try not to keep pets. The only times are spiders (which i caught) and mealworms (for school project). I think i got keep terrapins before but that was so long ago that I forgot what happen to them. It's not that I don't like animals, in fact I love them, cats, dogs, insects, reptiles, whatever. However I know my limits when it comes to this, and I do not want to endanger other lives because of my own selfishness or mistakes.
There's only one reason: I'm not responsible enough to take care of them. Other than the fact that I may choose to do other stuff than interacting with them, i will probably neglect their well-being. Which makes me a bad caretaker. All these are hypotheses, but I don't want to take the chance.
I came to write this, because my (younger) sister recently bought a dog named Kino (either that, or somebody gave it to her). I was VERY skeptical when I know this. Why? Because she has a VERY BAD record of taking care of pets.
She kept hamsters for two times, and both times she manage to screw up by ignoring them. The first time, I even have to help her take care of the hamsters, where machiam like I'm the owner. I did all the feeding, and the lazy me even bother to wash the cage when i feel that their living conditions are terrible. Eventually they died off, when I was not available then to do anything. I got so pissed that the second time I didn't bother to help her, even though I feel bad for the little guys. It was meant to be a lesson, and true enough after they died off because of her negligence, she didn't keep hamsters anymore.
My father is also another example of a bad owner, when he keep those luohan fishes of his. In the end, I was the one who feed them and change the water, so much so that when there's a blackout, I'm the only one concerned that they might die of air deprivation, and I keep pumping air manually into the water.
Now you know why even though I''ve never keep pets, I will rather not because of all these bad experiences. I admit I'm a bad caretaker, but when people who are keeping the pets are worse than I am, I really don't know what to say. (probably WTF)
And now, my auntie bitched to me about Kino barking, and I'm sure there will be a family quarrel coming soon. I wouldn't want to get involved with their squibbles. Kino, I feel bad for you, but blame it on your owner. I'm not up to the task.
There's only one reason: I'm not responsible enough to take care of them. Other than the fact that I may choose to do other stuff than interacting with them, i will probably neglect their well-being. Which makes me a bad caretaker. All these are hypotheses, but I don't want to take the chance.
I came to write this, because my (younger) sister recently bought a dog named Kino (either that, or somebody gave it to her). I was VERY skeptical when I know this. Why? Because she has a VERY BAD record of taking care of pets.
She kept hamsters for two times, and both times she manage to screw up by ignoring them. The first time, I even have to help her take care of the hamsters, where machiam like I'm the owner. I did all the feeding, and the lazy me even bother to wash the cage when i feel that their living conditions are terrible. Eventually they died off, when I was not available then to do anything. I got so pissed that the second time I didn't bother to help her, even though I feel bad for the little guys. It was meant to be a lesson, and true enough after they died off because of her negligence, she didn't keep hamsters anymore.
My father is also another example of a bad owner, when he keep those luohan fishes of his. In the end, I was the one who feed them and change the water, so much so that when there's a blackout, I'm the only one concerned that they might die of air deprivation, and I keep pumping air manually into the water.
Now you know why even though I''ve never keep pets, I will rather not because of all these bad experiences. I admit I'm a bad caretaker, but when people who are keeping the pets are worse than I am, I really don't know what to say. (probably WTF)
And now, my auntie bitched to me about Kino barking, and I'm sure there will be a family quarrel coming soon. I wouldn't want to get involved with their squibbles. Kino, I feel bad for you, but blame it on your owner. I'm not up to the task.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Huijing's birthday chalet
In case you haven't read the latest news on Blogger, now the drafts you blog are automatically saved. So even if your browser crash, or your PC crash, or a black-out occurs, whatever you have written will not be turned to nothing. Timely update for you, isn't it? :D Now you know I will be expecting to see something, hehe. (Just kidding)
Last Friday was Huijing's chalet, and I spend the whole morning with YM queuing up at Donut Factory (Raffles City SC) to buy the 4 dozen donuts that Huijing had requested. Since she's the birthday girl, I don't mind doing the job, but little did I expect YM to have practically no comments. I've expected him to use this to suan Huijing, but he didn't, and he's even nice enough to tell Huijing that he thought of just giving the donuts FOC to her, when I was talking to Huijing about the cost. Dude, you're the man!
I went there at 11am, and even though the shop opens at 12.30pm, I'm already seeing a dozen plus people already in the line (and there's even markers set up to show people where to queue). To me, this is crazy. Before this, I have tried out the donut, but it's nothing really special, except for its fluffiness. YM even told me that he tried out all the flavours but only two out of about 10 are nice. Phil and ZY shared the same sentiments as me, which got them stunned when I told them the day before that I will be queuing up.
Thanks to a certain person (no sarcasm intended >.<), I end talking a lot to YM, and the topic is mostly on a certain person, although i also end up talking about myself and got some good pointers from YM, and YM also talks about himself in a (humanly) light, which enable me to know this seemingly omnipotent demi-god better.
After buying the donuts, we went to Funan IT Mall as YM told me there's a collectible toy shop over there (i'm interested in their PVC figures, and that's when YM pointed out that there's a lot of nude figures over there, and we end up talking about why anime culture love this sort of stuff), but sadly it's closed, for good. Next we went to Absolute Comix at Bugis, as YM knows I'm digging into PVC figures recently. Saw a lot of stuff there, though i have actually been there before a long time ago, but still worth a look. I was thinking of getting Kel a model tank for his b-dae present, and so we went back to City Hall and go to Marina Square. Over there at the toy shop, saw more PVC figures, and also saw some tank and ship models, which are already constructed and painted. However, YM pointed to me that Kel probably likes guns better, and eventually he came to the conclusion that Kel digs any sort of military stuff, as long as it's not from WWII. Which give me an inspiration of giving him Gundams (well, they are ultimately for military uses). well, no, it's a bad idea :P
With no further ideas on Kel's b-dae present, we went on to my house to slack around, since Huijing's chalet is at Changi. Lucky for us, Joy offer to give us a ride, as her dad was driving her there. When we reach there, I realise that without Joy's dad, YM and I will surely get lost...
We reach there too early and the three of us ended up the first three friends of the Birthday Girl to arrive. YM end up helping Huijing to chop potatoes, cut squids and marinate squids, while Joy and I "zho bo lan" and hang around. I did spend some (read: a lot) time figuring out the matrix question that Joy was planning to ask YM, which he refused as he had decided not to talk to Joy on that day (well sorry for not being of much help). By 8pm, Shuang, Kel and Ben arrived and we went on to eat some food. The food was catered and Huijing's dad was there to barbecue chicken wings. The fried rice and potato salad were pretty good, but the real killer are the chicken wings. Excellent stuff!!
But here's where it goes wrong, as Kel started to drink volka and offered some to YM, and after which i went to pour for myself. Early on, we mixed about 1/3 volka with other stuff. As time goes by, it becomes 1/2 and there's a time when we drink straight (neat). Wouldn't want to emphasize what we did, though we did nothing really. Kel was silent most of the time (heard from him the next day that if he open his mouth that time, vulgarities will start flying), YM was more spontaneous than ever with his talking, but really nothing serious since he's still very much sober. I was supposedly sober, though I can feel myself walking sideways, which i try to control. In the end, I drank the most, and the three of us finished two bottles of volka. I'm really sorry to Huijing for drinking so much that she din have the chance to taste the red ruby volka, but oh well. I also felt sorry for focusing so much on drinking that i forgot to eat much. Actually it's more like I regret not eating more, since the food is so good, haha
But perhaps the person i feel most sorry to is the one that I probably annoyed that day. I talked too much, even though I was very sober. It's just that being drunk gives me the courage to say stuff i will not say under normal situations. But i have to admit that I was too loud, and i didn't manage to control it. Even when I think about it now, it was full of regrets, not because of what I say, but because of how things turn out to be. I won't take back the words, since they are what I meant truthfully. But it seems that they were said at the wrong timing.
After which, more rubbish came out, where i keep saying sorry (this seems to be a trend whenever Im drunk, oh well). But even til today, I'm thankful to Joy's parents for sending me back, or else i will most likely get lost in Changi for the whole night, considering the state I'm in. I suppose no amount of words can express my gratitude. =D
Last Friday was Huijing's chalet, and I spend the whole morning with YM queuing up at Donut Factory (Raffles City SC) to buy the 4 dozen donuts that Huijing had requested. Since she's the birthday girl, I don't mind doing the job, but little did I expect YM to have practically no comments. I've expected him to use this to suan Huijing, but he didn't, and he's even nice enough to tell Huijing that he thought of just giving the donuts FOC to her, when I was talking to Huijing about the cost. Dude, you're the man!
I went there at 11am, and even though the shop opens at 12.30pm, I'm already seeing a dozen plus people already in the line (and there's even markers set up to show people where to queue). To me, this is crazy. Before this, I have tried out the donut, but it's nothing really special, except for its fluffiness. YM even told me that he tried out all the flavours but only two out of about 10 are nice. Phil and ZY shared the same sentiments as me, which got them stunned when I told them the day before that I will be queuing up.
Thanks to a certain person (no sarcasm intended >.<), I end talking a lot to YM, and the topic is mostly on a certain person, although i also end up talking about myself and got some good pointers from YM, and YM also talks about himself in a (humanly) light, which enable me to know this seemingly omnipotent demi-god better.
After buying the donuts, we went to Funan IT Mall as YM told me there's a collectible toy shop over there (i'm interested in their PVC figures, and that's when YM pointed out that there's a lot of nude figures over there, and we end up talking about why anime culture love this sort of stuff), but sadly it's closed, for good. Next we went to Absolute Comix at Bugis, as YM knows I'm digging into PVC figures recently. Saw a lot of stuff there, though i have actually been there before a long time ago, but still worth a look. I was thinking of getting Kel a model tank for his b-dae present, and so we went back to City Hall and go to Marina Square. Over there at the toy shop, saw more PVC figures, and also saw some tank and ship models, which are already constructed and painted. However, YM pointed to me that Kel probably likes guns better, and eventually he came to the conclusion that Kel digs any sort of military stuff, as long as it's not from WWII. Which give me an inspiration of giving him Gundams (well, they are ultimately for military uses). well, no, it's a bad idea :P
With no further ideas on Kel's b-dae present, we went on to my house to slack around, since Huijing's chalet is at Changi. Lucky for us, Joy offer to give us a ride, as her dad was driving her there. When we reach there, I realise that without Joy's dad, YM and I will surely get lost...
We reach there too early and the three of us ended up the first three friends of the Birthday Girl to arrive. YM end up helping Huijing to chop potatoes, cut squids and marinate squids, while Joy and I "zho bo lan" and hang around. I did spend some (read: a lot) time figuring out the matrix question that Joy was planning to ask YM, which he refused as he had decided not to talk to Joy on that day (well sorry for not being of much help). By 8pm, Shuang, Kel and Ben arrived and we went on to eat some food. The food was catered and Huijing's dad was there to barbecue chicken wings. The fried rice and potato salad were pretty good, but the real killer are the chicken wings. Excellent stuff!!
But here's where it goes wrong, as Kel started to drink volka and offered some to YM, and after which i went to pour for myself. Early on, we mixed about 1/3 volka with other stuff. As time goes by, it becomes 1/2 and there's a time when we drink straight (neat). Wouldn't want to emphasize what we did, though we did nothing really. Kel was silent most of the time (heard from him the next day that if he open his mouth that time, vulgarities will start flying), YM was more spontaneous than ever with his talking, but really nothing serious since he's still very much sober. I was supposedly sober, though I can feel myself walking sideways, which i try to control. In the end, I drank the most, and the three of us finished two bottles of volka. I'm really sorry to Huijing for drinking so much that she din have the chance to taste the red ruby volka, but oh well. I also felt sorry for focusing so much on drinking that i forgot to eat much. Actually it's more like I regret not eating more, since the food is so good, haha
But perhaps the person i feel most sorry to is the one that I probably annoyed that day. I talked too much, even though I was very sober. It's just that being drunk gives me the courage to say stuff i will not say under normal situations. But i have to admit that I was too loud, and i didn't manage to control it. Even when I think about it now, it was full of regrets, not because of what I say, but because of how things turn out to be. I won't take back the words, since they are what I meant truthfully. But it seems that they were said at the wrong timing.
After which, more rubbish came out, where i keep saying sorry (this seems to be a trend whenever Im drunk, oh well). But even til today, I'm thankful to Joy's parents for sending me back, or else i will most likely get lost in Changi for the whole night, considering the state I'm in. I suppose no amount of words can express my gratitude. =D
Thursday, May 17, 2007
A job interview at P&G
Last week, after I finished my temporary work on two days, my job agency recommended another job to me, almost immediately within 2 days. I didn't they were so efficient. I was guessing that my temporary work earn me some credits with the agency, since it was originally planned for 3 to 4 days. Anyway, this job was to be a temporary contract-based (six months) data administrator, and the pay is quite good for me, since I've only O' Levels credits to start with. The downside is that I'm only required to work ten days a month. Well, not really a downside, since i will have more time studying or doing my own stuff.
This week, since the agency didn't contact me, and I'm too lazy (read: shy) to call back coz I keep forgetting the name of my agent (...), I thought the job was pretty much a goner. Little did I expect the agent will call me yesterday telling me to go for an interview. Well, I was pretty excited by the news, since it's a good chance not to be missed.
I was supposed to go to Novena Square, which was an alien place to me. Although I've heard of it, I have never been there before. Luckily it's just on top of the MRT station. But even then, do you believe it took me quite a while to figure out where the office lobby is? My first mistake was my fault, as the signs say clearly "Office Lobby L2", and I failed to realise that L2 refers to Level 2. So I was going around in circles in Level 1. After I did realsie my mistake and got to the office lobby, something struck me (here's my second mistake). There are two office towers on top of Novena Square, and from what I reckon, the office lobby should be catered only to Tower B (the company was at Tower A), as the position of the lobby is too far from Tower A from my perception. So again I went around in the circles, trying to look for the "Tower A lobby". After about 5 to 10 mins, I realise I'm out of time soon and decided to ask the information counter. The lady over there pointed me to the one-and-only office lobby. Embarrassed, I walked back to the office lobby again. It was a good thing I came early, as I was expecting I will get lost, and how true it became!
As I proceed to the reception counter at the company, I was stunned by the view of 10-odd people waiting over there. I followed suit changing my IC for a visitor pass, and waited for a while, assuming that the people there are having the same interview that I'm going to have (I was too stunned to explain anything to the receptionist). It wasn't until a while later when a person came in to change for a pass mentioned that he's coming for a test, did I realise my interview got nothing to do with that. With that in mind, I went to clarify with the receptionist. About 10 mins later, everyone except me were being led away for the test, while the receptionist was still looking for my interviewer, and for a while thought that my interviewer was overseas. Thus, I waited for some time.
It was during this time when I realise what sort of a company is P&G. Previously, when I talk to Phil and gang about this potential job, they didn't know what does the company do. I know I heard of the name, but I forget where I see it, and in the end they dismissed it as some unknown company. At the reception, there were displays of SK-II, Rejoice shampoo and some detergent. There's some more stuff, but that's all I remember. Of course I should know about it, because those P&G commercials on the respective products will end with a big P&G logo. Even though I have not been watching TV, the image was quite vivid in my mind.
My interviewer turned up, with her supposed supervisor coming along to overlook the process. Throughout the interview, although she was supposed to interview me, but probably because she's not used to it, half the time the supervisor was speaking to me. In the beginning, the interviewer tells me the job scope and such, and it was then when I realised I'm not the only one being interviewed for this position. Actually I shouldn't be surprised, but what I'm surprised is that for a temporary staff, they are carefully looking for a suitable candidate. unlike my old working place where i got in without an interview (the rest of the temp staff did go through
one interview, but it was only for show since most get in anyway). Afterwhich, they want me to talk about what I do at my old working place. Due to the facts that it's been a long time since I've quit, I have a poor memory and that I didn't really bother with why am I doing all those logistic stuff (I'm only interested in getting things done fast), I was at a stump when answering those questions. Even though in the end I did answer their questions, it was too much of a summary when they actually wanted details. I guess that was a minus point for me.
However, I don't think work experience is a problem, since I'm quite used to data entry, and I believe I'm good at it (I stressed to them the fact that I cleared all the backlog within 3 months, but I forgot to mention that the other backlogs that are handled by other people are uncleared at the point of time, which rendered my point meaningless). They were saying they were looking for attributes. I think i will call it aptitude instead. Meaning, they want a person who can work well with them (the position I'm applying for is closely related to the interviewer. I guess that's why she's the interviewer, instead of the supervising guy) and can get the job done. Which is why, halfway through, they shoot me a question (what I regurgitate here may not be the exact sentence, but the meaning is around there): In your life, have you ever been in a position where you make changes, and do you think you can make better changes? Crap, this is a difficult question for me, since I don't recall ever changing anything. So instead I told them about my experiences in school, since I was the president/chairman of the CCAs I joined in sec sch and JC. My honest answer to the question for them is a no, I have not done anything that involve changing any status quo. For some weird reason, the supervisor thinks my life is interesting, since I was in dance and drama, and later on I move on to study science (I told them early on that I'm pursuing a science degree. I tried to tell them the name of my degree, but they got pretty confused by it). Maybe he was really interested, or maybe he's just acting for the sake of keeping the conversation interesting. Either way, he was quite the interesting person who kept the interview as lively as he could, and I really appreciate it. The is mainly due to my introverted nature, and the fact that I don't like to talk much unless somebody invoke my interest, which the supervisor sort of did.
Towards the end of the interview, he ask me one question: Dance, drama, logistic and science. Which do you think is the most interesting? My answer to him was that everything was interesting. That's because I have not really found the true interest in me, and I might be changing fields along the way. What I didn't tell him (or rather it didn't come to my mind at that time) was that all of the four were interesting at the point of time, or I won't even be bothered. Initially I do logistics because of work, but later i find it quite fun, perhaps I'm used to doing mundane stuff over and over again.
I will think that the interview actually reflected bad on me, since I didn't speak too well (i did stammer along the way, plus I had some awkward moments of silence), But then again, when I compared the me now to my past self, I am surprised I can even speak properly to strangers. In the past I will have been too shy to say anything, let alone talking about my own affairs. I do hope I can get the job though. Wish me luck.
This week, since the agency didn't contact me, and I'm too lazy (read: shy) to call back coz I keep forgetting the name of my agent (...), I thought the job was pretty much a goner. Little did I expect the agent will call me yesterday telling me to go for an interview. Well, I was pretty excited by the news, since it's a good chance not to be missed.
I was supposed to go to Novena Square, which was an alien place to me. Although I've heard of it, I have never been there before. Luckily it's just on top of the MRT station. But even then, do you believe it took me quite a while to figure out where the office lobby is? My first mistake was my fault, as the signs say clearly "Office Lobby L2", and I failed to realise that L2 refers to Level 2. So I was going around in circles in Level 1. After I did realsie my mistake and got to the office lobby, something struck me (here's my second mistake). There are two office towers on top of Novena Square, and from what I reckon, the office lobby should be catered only to Tower B (the company was at Tower A), as the position of the lobby is too far from Tower A from my perception. So again I went around in the circles, trying to look for the "Tower A lobby". After about 5 to 10 mins, I realise I'm out of time soon and decided to ask the information counter. The lady over there pointed me to the one-and-only office lobby. Embarrassed, I walked back to the office lobby again. It was a good thing I came early, as I was expecting I will get lost, and how true it became!
As I proceed to the reception counter at the company, I was stunned by the view of 10-odd people waiting over there. I followed suit changing my IC for a visitor pass, and waited for a while, assuming that the people there are having the same interview that I'm going to have (I was too stunned to explain anything to the receptionist). It wasn't until a while later when a person came in to change for a pass mentioned that he's coming for a test, did I realise my interview got nothing to do with that. With that in mind, I went to clarify with the receptionist. About 10 mins later, everyone except me were being led away for the test, while the receptionist was still looking for my interviewer, and for a while thought that my interviewer was overseas. Thus, I waited for some time.
It was during this time when I realise what sort of a company is P&G. Previously, when I talk to Phil and gang about this potential job, they didn't know what does the company do. I know I heard of the name, but I forget where I see it, and in the end they dismissed it as some unknown company. At the reception, there were displays of SK-II, Rejoice shampoo and some detergent. There's some more stuff, but that's all I remember. Of course I should know about it, because those P&G commercials on the respective products will end with a big P&G logo. Even though I have not been watching TV, the image was quite vivid in my mind.
My interviewer turned up, with her supposed supervisor coming along to overlook the process. Throughout the interview, although she was supposed to interview me, but probably because she's not used to it, half the time the supervisor was speaking to me. In the beginning, the interviewer tells me the job scope and such, and it was then when I realised I'm not the only one being interviewed for this position. Actually I shouldn't be surprised, but what I'm surprised is that for a temporary staff, they are carefully looking for a suitable candidate. unlike my old working place where i got in without an interview (the rest of the temp staff did go through
one interview, but it was only for show since most get in anyway). Afterwhich, they want me to talk about what I do at my old working place. Due to the facts that it's been a long time since I've quit, I have a poor memory and that I didn't really bother with why am I doing all those logistic stuff (I'm only interested in getting things done fast), I was at a stump when answering those questions. Even though in the end I did answer their questions, it was too much of a summary when they actually wanted details. I guess that was a minus point for me.
However, I don't think work experience is a problem, since I'm quite used to data entry, and I believe I'm good at it (I stressed to them the fact that I cleared all the backlog within 3 months, but I forgot to mention that the other backlogs that are handled by other people are uncleared at the point of time, which rendered my point meaningless). They were saying they were looking for attributes. I think i will call it aptitude instead. Meaning, they want a person who can work well with them (the position I'm applying for is closely related to the interviewer. I guess that's why she's the interviewer, instead of the supervising guy) and can get the job done. Which is why, halfway through, they shoot me a question (what I regurgitate here may not be the exact sentence, but the meaning is around there): In your life, have you ever been in a position where you make changes, and do you think you can make better changes? Crap, this is a difficult question for me, since I don't recall ever changing anything. So instead I told them about my experiences in school, since I was the president/chairman of the CCAs I joined in sec sch and JC. My honest answer to the question for them is a no, I have not done anything that involve changing any status quo. For some weird reason, the supervisor thinks my life is interesting, since I was in dance and drama, and later on I move on to study science (I told them early on that I'm pursuing a science degree. I tried to tell them the name of my degree, but they got pretty confused by it). Maybe he was really interested, or maybe he's just acting for the sake of keeping the conversation interesting. Either way, he was quite the interesting person who kept the interview as lively as he could, and I really appreciate it. The is mainly due to my introverted nature, and the fact that I don't like to talk much unless somebody invoke my interest, which the supervisor sort of did.
Towards the end of the interview, he ask me one question: Dance, drama, logistic and science. Which do you think is the most interesting? My answer to him was that everything was interesting. That's because I have not really found the true interest in me, and I might be changing fields along the way. What I didn't tell him (or rather it didn't come to my mind at that time) was that all of the four were interesting at the point of time, or I won't even be bothered. Initially I do logistics because of work, but later i find it quite fun, perhaps I'm used to doing mundane stuff over and over again.
I will think that the interview actually reflected bad on me, since I didn't speak too well (i did stammer along the way, plus I had some awkward moments of silence), But then again, when I compared the me now to my past self, I am surprised I can even speak properly to strangers. In the past I will have been too shy to say anything, let alone talking about my own affairs. I do hope I can get the job though. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The fatal attraction of manga
How do you know a manga is good? It's when you end up reading the whole series in one shot. Or more like, you will be glued to the manga so much that you can't bear to stop reading it even for a moment. And even if you managed to distract yourself, no sooner than less than one day you will back reading it again.
Why do I say all this? Because I have just finish reading the whole of "Mars" (the largely popular romance manga, which was adapted into a taiwanese drama. Not to be confused with the shounen manga/anime Marchen Awaken Romance) in one shot, spending around 4 hours or so. Mind you, it was a freaking 15 volumes! To add to my guiltiness, I should be studying instead of reading manga. But then, this was such good stuff that I couldn't bear to avert my eyes for a moment.
What other mangas have the "honor" of such royal treatment by me?
Peach Girl - probably my first mainstream shoujo/romance manga I have ever read, and maybe that's why i find it interesting
Hanazakari no Kimi-tachi e (Hanakimi) - Seeing a girl cross-dressed as a guy tryingg to survive in a all-guy school is pretty interesting, all for the sake of being with the guy she admired
Marmalade Boy - Because it's damn funny, and there's romance between siblings
Miyuki - another romance manga between siblings, except this is very old. Yes yes, I'm a sucker for romance stuff...
Senkaiden Houshin Engi - the humour is weird, and the main is an unscrupulous ass. But towards the later half of the story, unexpected twists together with emotional dramas
and good action scenes turns it into a shounen manga that's much more consistent than a lot of titles out there
Slam Dunk - it just keeps your adrenaline pumped
Anime-wise, it will be:
Saishuu Heiki Kanojo (Saikano) - showcase a romance in a post-modern apocalyptic setting
Full Metal Panic! series - comedy, action, drama mixed at its best
Onegai! Teacher - surprisingly touching
Hanbun no Tsuki ga Noboru Sora - excellent romance drama in a simple setting, but then again it's only 6 episodes...
I think there should be more but these are what I can think of now. Reading "Mars" had drained away most of my energy...
Why do I say all this? Because I have just finish reading the whole of "Mars" (the largely popular romance manga, which was adapted into a taiwanese drama. Not to be confused with the shounen manga/anime Marchen Awaken Romance) in one shot, spending around 4 hours or so. Mind you, it was a freaking 15 volumes! To add to my guiltiness, I should be studying instead of reading manga. But then, this was such good stuff that I couldn't bear to avert my eyes for a moment.
What other mangas have the "honor" of such royal treatment by me?
Peach Girl - probably my first mainstream shoujo/romance manga I have ever read, and maybe that's why i find it interesting
Hanazakari no Kimi-tachi e (Hanakimi) - Seeing a girl cross-dressed as a guy tryingg to survive in a all-guy school is pretty interesting, all for the sake of being with the guy she admired
Marmalade Boy - Because it's damn funny, and there's romance between siblings
Miyuki - another romance manga between siblings, except this is very old. Yes yes, I'm a sucker for romance stuff...
Senkaiden Houshin Engi - the humour is weird, and the main is an unscrupulous ass. But towards the later half of the story, unexpected twists together with emotional dramas
and good action scenes turns it into a shounen manga that's much more consistent than a lot of titles out there
Slam Dunk - it just keeps your adrenaline pumped
Anime-wise, it will be:
Saishuu Heiki Kanojo (Saikano) - showcase a romance in a post-modern apocalyptic setting
Full Metal Panic! series - comedy, action, drama mixed at its best
Onegai! Teacher - surprisingly touching
Hanbun no Tsuki ga Noboru Sora - excellent romance drama in a simple setting, but then again it's only 6 episodes...
I think there should be more but these are what I can think of now. Reading "Mars" had drained away most of my energy...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
on Magic the Gathering
Disclaimer: This is not meant to be an article promoting or bashing the game. Any views here are purely my own and should be taken with many grains of salt.
If you do not know what Magic the Gathering (to be abbreviated as MTG) is, it's the most popular collectible card game in the world, which has its own market and tons of tournaments. It was very popular with teenagers ever since the late eighties, and have been going strong till this day for its complexity yet appealing to beginners with its fantasy settings and gameplay that's easy to pick up.
I first started playing it when I was in Sec 3, and most of my friends are playing it too in one way or another, as the culture starts to spread around. As fast as it got to me, I drop it as soon as I could. There's a few reasons why i decided to stop playing, even though I'm intrigued by the game (and I love card games).
1) It's an expensive hobby. Cards are expensive, and I tend to spend a lot. Plus, I'm not good at trading (which has become a business to some) and I tend to lose money whether in the short or long run.
2) I'm bad at playing it. This can be seen when I formed decks that practically does nothing, haha. (the rest love to suan me for my Legend deck) It's actually quite bad on morale. I realise how bad I am at it when I played with Zhiye using one of Fred's, or rather SCP's, deck. However, I have to agree that the more you play this game, the better you will be at critical thinking, a skill I've not acquired. Sadly, I'm not ready for that yet.
When I play this game, it is a big brain drain on me, and especially when I failed to have good judgment. The rational thinking involved does not fit in with me, causing me to be hesitant thus missing any chances of winning.
Although I've quited this hobby, I do keep two albums worth of cards which are part of my Legends and Dragons collection. Maybe one day when I'm earning enough, I will go on to continue my hobby of collecting all those legends and dragons. I may be a bad player and trader, but I do consider myself as some sort of a collector, albeit one who is easily conned though. But with guys like Youming and Joseph around who are deeply associated with the game, I shouldn't have any problems relying on the both of them.
If you do not know what Magic the Gathering (to be abbreviated as MTG) is, it's the most popular collectible card game in the world, which has its own market and tons of tournaments. It was very popular with teenagers ever since the late eighties, and have been going strong till this day for its complexity yet appealing to beginners with its fantasy settings and gameplay that's easy to pick up.
I first started playing it when I was in Sec 3, and most of my friends are playing it too in one way or another, as the culture starts to spread around. As fast as it got to me, I drop it as soon as I could. There's a few reasons why i decided to stop playing, even though I'm intrigued by the game (and I love card games).
1) It's an expensive hobby. Cards are expensive, and I tend to spend a lot. Plus, I'm not good at trading (which has become a business to some) and I tend to lose money whether in the short or long run.
2) I'm bad at playing it. This can be seen when I formed decks that practically does nothing, haha. (the rest love to suan me for my Legend deck) It's actually quite bad on morale. I realise how bad I am at it when I played with Zhiye using one of Fred's, or rather SCP's, deck. However, I have to agree that the more you play this game, the better you will be at critical thinking, a skill I've not acquired. Sadly, I'm not ready for that yet.
When I play this game, it is a big brain drain on me, and especially when I failed to have good judgment. The rational thinking involved does not fit in with me, causing me to be hesitant thus missing any chances of winning.
Although I've quited this hobby, I do keep two albums worth of cards which are part of my Legends and Dragons collection. Maybe one day when I'm earning enough, I will go on to continue my hobby of collecting all those legends and dragons. I may be a bad player and trader, but I do consider myself as some sort of a collector, albeit one who is easily conned though. But with guys like Youming and Joseph around who are deeply associated with the game, I shouldn't have any problems relying on the both of them.
Mobilised for the 1st time
When I knew about my ops manning period, seriously I don't give a damn about it. Firstly, when I 've ORDed, they didn't even tell me which unit I'm posted to (I'm a HQ medic, so instead of my going to the unit where the guys I knew go to, I'm possibly posted to somewhere else). Secondly, there's no information about what I should do, other than to ask my friends. OK, I'm so can't-be-bothered that I've only asked Zhiye, since he's the only one out of us who did went back for ICT. He told me there should be a letter, but I did not receive it (either that or it's lost in that heap of unread letters, which are mostly bills). My first ops manning period was last December, and before I realise it, it was gone as soon as it comes. Again, due to my uncaring attitude. The second one was scheduled for this week, and as much as I'm anxious as to what I'm supposed to do, in reality I couldn't even be bothered to pack my duffel bag. Yes, all the stuff I have stuffed into my duffel bag remains unpacked til this day, ever since I've ORDed in December 2005.
On the fateful Saturday, as I was going into the computer lab to do statistical stuff, my phone rang. And it was by an unknown number. I listened and the familiar pre-recorded voice
informed me that I was mobilised. Meaning, I have to report to some destination in my No. 4, helmet, SBO and field pack. Boy, was I shocked, given at a time when I got lessons. I tried to look for contact numbers to call through the NS Portal website, and eventually I found the 24 hours contact centre. I called them, and the operator told me to call this certain number, which is fine, until my HP went out of batt. Crap, I should have charged it the day before. Oh well, in the end I borrowed Melvin's phone and tried to call, but the number is always busy. It wasn't until the end of lesson before I finally got through the line. As I was explaining to the operator that I wasn't going to make it in time (as I thought I have to get there within 4 hours), he told me that the time limit was before 10pm (so it's actually within 8 hours), so there's really no hurry. It was a relief after I have confirmed the place I have to report to. Luckily, it's the same old camp that I've been for 1+ years.
Since there's no hurry, I just hang along with the foundation guys (and gals) who are going to watch Spiderman 3. I was thinking, as luck have it, I did not promise to watch with them, or I will feel very bad because of the mobilisation, since it will cause a lot of stress for me.
After I reach home, I proceed to salvage my duffel bag for the SBO and stuff, and it was only then that I realise there's a lot of memories in it. I found a black bag which I always bring along with my medic bag (MOP) to put in my personal stuff (my mp3 player and GBA, haha), additional medical supplies as well as "unauthorised" medical stuff. I say they were unauthorised because they are not supposed to be found in my standard MOP, but they are actually much more useful. Examples include Axe brand medicated oil (风油), Qing Cao medicated oil (青草油), Mopiko, muscle rub ointment, muscle spray, op-site spray (to form a thin layer of plaster over the wound). Qing Cao medicated oil is my favourite weapon, since I can use it to "tekan" whoever comes to me. Ok, that was half true, since many trainees I've known are pretty cool about it, as they know it's good for them (Applying this oil to the wound causes pain worse than applying salt to the wound, for those who are ignorant of the effects of this oil).
My superiors were also supportive of my methods, and let me do whatever I want, and my CSM gave me a op-site spray as I suppose he thinks that I will have better use for it.
My SBO with the water bottle pouches removed remind me of the time when I was involved in the SAF Day parade. Yes, I was part of the marching battalion representing the Medical Corps in 2004 (around the end of my Medic course). Those days were gruesome, as we have to practice marching from day to night, sunny or raining. It eventually paid off, as I train my endurance and willpower, though it eventually turn out useless as I slacked off after that.
As I keep reminiscing about the times in army, the period in BMT was the most unforgettable. Firstly, I got into the company, Foxtrot, known at that time as being one of the top 3 "siong" companies in Tekong, and possibly the worst in School 1. The training is terrible plus horrible. Just ask Fred, who was in the batch of Foxtrot before me. Although he still bitched about how bad his BMT days are, but non-training welfare was acceptable, and both of us agreed that our OC is respectable, even though he's the mastermind behind the gruesome training. Why is this so? Because he's the type of person to lead by example. He's the only OC in the whole of School 1 who lead the whole company on route march, while carrying a field pack that's easily twice the size of ours; OCs normally do not march with their men, instead they will be on the land rovers acting as the supervisor.
Secondly, before I went into army, I was in a melancholic state, who just dropped out of JC, and breaking off all contacts. The vigorous training allows me to forget everything and focus on what's ahead for me in army. Sweating out helps to distract you from whatever problems you are facing, and at the same time trains your body and mind. It's also through the buddy system that I realise what are friends for, since in BMT, we have to rely on each other and help one another out to pass this difficult period. Although BMT for most people is a f***-up period, for me it's actually enjoyable as I felt myself returning to the person I'm really am, temporarily cured me of my depression, and for the first time I've felt a positive change in myself. Perhaps this is also because I prefer to follow orders, which doesn't give me much to think about, and instead allow me to focus on caring for others. This might be the reason why I ended up as a medic (though it might be related to the fact that I was randomly assigned to be a medic in the SITEST, which test your aptitude and sort of decides which vocation you should go to). It was also during this time when I resume contacts with Zhiye, Phil, Fred, eventually linking back to my sec sch friends. It came about when concidentally Zhiye went into tekong one day after I went in, and because his company (Griffon) was next to mine, sooner or later we are sure to bump into each other (ok, it was like within one week I remember...)
Anyway, i got a bit off-topic. I wore my No. 4 which was like collecting dust in my wardrobe, and I was quite delighted that the pants got too big for me. Without a belt, it will be sure to drop down any time. As I stuff my SBO and helmet into my field pack, I proceed on to go. Seletar Camp was one of the nearest camps for me, and there's also a direct bus which stops outside Seletar Camp, though I have to walk 10 mins to reach the bus stop. As I alighted at the main gate of Seletar Camp, I still have 1+ km to walk before I reach the main gate of Seletar East Camp. You see, Seletar East Camp is the military installation, while the rest of Seletar Camp have been converted to civilian use, where there are houses and stores around. There's a bus that goes right in, but normally to save money, I will just walk inside. The route is a straight road, but can be very eerie for people who's been there for the first time, especially at night. Although there's a golf course to the right, and houses to the left, there are few people I've passed as I walked. The lights were very dim, and there's a lot of trees around, big trees. But the place is so dark that you might mistake branches for human figures, provided that your imagination runs wild. Since Im not scared of ghosts in real life (however, I'm afraid of watching ghost shows), I won't allow my imagination to go wild, and to think that I'm already used to the place, so why should I be afraid? If it's a certain person I know, Im sure she will get VERY freaked out, most likely because of her vivid imagination rather than the actual presence of ghosts.
After I passed the main gate of Seletar East camp, it gets even more eerie as I walk along a path in the middle of a grass field. There's even less dim lights, and in the silent night the sounds and noises of crickets and frogs/toads surround the air. The cricket's cry somehow remind me of the psycho-thriller horror anime "Higurashi no Naku Koro ni", whose title directly translate to "When the Crickets Cry". Luckily I get over the thinking, or I will get quite freaked out remembering the various brutal scenes in the anime. From the main gate of Seletar East Camp t my destination, it's pretty much another 1 km. When i reached the place (after going to the wrong place and having a LTA directing me to the correct place), I went in and have my ID scanned.
Apparently, because it was very late, they have already started to pack up. There's even the COL and MWO (i think that's the rank, din see properly) standing outside to wait for anybody who are still coming in. The biggest mistake I probably make that day was that I forgot to salute the officers, which I dunno whether they mind, since I've been too used to civilian life. Actually, when I was an NSF in Seletar Camp, when I met officers, I only greeted them without any salutes. This was the norm in HQ. They did ask me for my unit, which I do not know, as firstly I'm not told which unit i will go to when I've ORDed (they also tell me that I will know sooner or later), and secondly it's not shown in the NS Portal site. They were initially quite stunned that I do not know my unit (I must have seem very blur to them), after which a LTA offered to check my unit before I go. In the end, I was part of 356 SCE, but it was unknown which company I belong to, so I'm probably still in HQ i guess (or rather they guess).
On the fateful Saturday, as I was going into the computer lab to do statistical stuff, my phone rang. And it was by an unknown number. I listened and the familiar pre-recorded voice
informed me that I was mobilised. Meaning, I have to report to some destination in my No. 4, helmet, SBO and field pack. Boy, was I shocked, given at a time when I got lessons. I tried to look for contact numbers to call through the NS Portal website, and eventually I found the 24 hours contact centre. I called them, and the operator told me to call this certain number, which is fine, until my HP went out of batt. Crap, I should have charged it the day before. Oh well, in the end I borrowed Melvin's phone and tried to call, but the number is always busy. It wasn't until the end of lesson before I finally got through the line. As I was explaining to the operator that I wasn't going to make it in time (as I thought I have to get there within 4 hours), he told me that the time limit was before 10pm (so it's actually within 8 hours), so there's really no hurry. It was a relief after I have confirmed the place I have to report to. Luckily, it's the same old camp that I've been for 1+ years.
Since there's no hurry, I just hang along with the foundation guys (and gals) who are going to watch Spiderman 3. I was thinking, as luck have it, I did not promise to watch with them, or I will feel very bad because of the mobilisation, since it will cause a lot of stress for me.
After I reach home, I proceed to salvage my duffel bag for the SBO and stuff, and it was only then that I realise there's a lot of memories in it. I found a black bag which I always bring along with my medic bag (MOP) to put in my personal stuff (my mp3 player and GBA, haha), additional medical supplies as well as "unauthorised" medical stuff. I say they were unauthorised because they are not supposed to be found in my standard MOP, but they are actually much more useful. Examples include Axe brand medicated oil (风油), Qing Cao medicated oil (青草油), Mopiko, muscle rub ointment, muscle spray, op-site spray (to form a thin layer of plaster over the wound). Qing Cao medicated oil is my favourite weapon, since I can use it to "tekan" whoever comes to me. Ok, that was half true, since many trainees I've known are pretty cool about it, as they know it's good for them (Applying this oil to the wound causes pain worse than applying salt to the wound, for those who are ignorant of the effects of this oil).
My superiors were also supportive of my methods, and let me do whatever I want, and my CSM gave me a op-site spray as I suppose he thinks that I will have better use for it.
My SBO with the water bottle pouches removed remind me of the time when I was involved in the SAF Day parade. Yes, I was part of the marching battalion representing the Medical Corps in 2004 (around the end of my Medic course). Those days were gruesome, as we have to practice marching from day to night, sunny or raining. It eventually paid off, as I train my endurance and willpower, though it eventually turn out useless as I slacked off after that.
As I keep reminiscing about the times in army, the period in BMT was the most unforgettable. Firstly, I got into the company, Foxtrot, known at that time as being one of the top 3 "siong" companies in Tekong, and possibly the worst in School 1. The training is terrible plus horrible. Just ask Fred, who was in the batch of Foxtrot before me. Although he still bitched about how bad his BMT days are, but non-training welfare was acceptable, and both of us agreed that our OC is respectable, even though he's the mastermind behind the gruesome training. Why is this so? Because he's the type of person to lead by example. He's the only OC in the whole of School 1 who lead the whole company on route march, while carrying a field pack that's easily twice the size of ours; OCs normally do not march with their men, instead they will be on the land rovers acting as the supervisor.
Secondly, before I went into army, I was in a melancholic state, who just dropped out of JC, and breaking off all contacts. The vigorous training allows me to forget everything and focus on what's ahead for me in army. Sweating out helps to distract you from whatever problems you are facing, and at the same time trains your body and mind. It's also through the buddy system that I realise what are friends for, since in BMT, we have to rely on each other and help one another out to pass this difficult period. Although BMT for most people is a f***-up period, for me it's actually enjoyable as I felt myself returning to the person I'm really am, temporarily cured me of my depression, and for the first time I've felt a positive change in myself. Perhaps this is also because I prefer to follow orders, which doesn't give me much to think about, and instead allow me to focus on caring for others. This might be the reason why I ended up as a medic (though it might be related to the fact that I was randomly assigned to be a medic in the SITEST, which test your aptitude and sort of decides which vocation you should go to). It was also during this time when I resume contacts with Zhiye, Phil, Fred, eventually linking back to my sec sch friends. It came about when concidentally Zhiye went into tekong one day after I went in, and because his company (Griffon) was next to mine, sooner or later we are sure to bump into each other (ok, it was like within one week I remember...)
Anyway, i got a bit off-topic. I wore my No. 4 which was like collecting dust in my wardrobe, and I was quite delighted that the pants got too big for me. Without a belt, it will be sure to drop down any time. As I stuff my SBO and helmet into my field pack, I proceed on to go. Seletar Camp was one of the nearest camps for me, and there's also a direct bus which stops outside Seletar Camp, though I have to walk 10 mins to reach the bus stop. As I alighted at the main gate of Seletar Camp, I still have 1+ km to walk before I reach the main gate of Seletar East Camp. You see, Seletar East Camp is the military installation, while the rest of Seletar Camp have been converted to civilian use, where there are houses and stores around. There's a bus that goes right in, but normally to save money, I will just walk inside. The route is a straight road, but can be very eerie for people who's been there for the first time, especially at night. Although there's a golf course to the right, and houses to the left, there are few people I've passed as I walked. The lights were very dim, and there's a lot of trees around, big trees. But the place is so dark that you might mistake branches for human figures, provided that your imagination runs wild. Since Im not scared of ghosts in real life (however, I'm afraid of watching ghost shows), I won't allow my imagination to go wild, and to think that I'm already used to the place, so why should I be afraid? If it's a certain person I know, Im sure she will get VERY freaked out, most likely because of her vivid imagination rather than the actual presence of ghosts.
After I passed the main gate of Seletar East camp, it gets even more eerie as I walk along a path in the middle of a grass field. There's even less dim lights, and in the silent night the sounds and noises of crickets and frogs/toads surround the air. The cricket's cry somehow remind me of the psycho-thriller horror anime "Higurashi no Naku Koro ni", whose title directly translate to "When the Crickets Cry". Luckily I get over the thinking, or I will get quite freaked out remembering the various brutal scenes in the anime. From the main gate of Seletar East Camp t my destination, it's pretty much another 1 km. When i reached the place (after going to the wrong place and having a LTA directing me to the correct place), I went in and have my ID scanned.
Apparently, because it was very late, they have already started to pack up. There's even the COL and MWO (i think that's the rank, din see properly) standing outside to wait for anybody who are still coming in. The biggest mistake I probably make that day was that I forgot to salute the officers, which I dunno whether they mind, since I've been too used to civilian life. Actually, when I was an NSF in Seletar Camp, when I met officers, I only greeted them without any salutes. This was the norm in HQ. They did ask me for my unit, which I do not know, as firstly I'm not told which unit i will go to when I've ORDed (they also tell me that I will know sooner or later), and secondly it's not shown in the NS Portal site. They were initially quite stunned that I do not know my unit (I must have seem very blur to them), after which a LTA offered to check my unit before I go. In the end, I was part of 356 SCE, but it was unknown which company I belong to, so I'm probably still in HQ i guess (or rather they guess).
Friday, May 11, 2007
PC withdrawal symptoms
How do you know you have PC withdrawal symptoms, after your PC break down?
1) You feel that a part of you is missing (the anime-watching part, the anime-music part, the blogging part, the gaming-news part, the reading-blog part etc etc etc)
2) Suddenly you have a lot of free time and you may or may not know how to use them. (In the end, I spend much of the time reading the 20-odd volumes of Detective Conan)
3) You start to worry (anxiously) about your data. Any thought of it being erased will devastate your mental health. (I mean mine)
4) You will go to any place just to use internet. (For me, it's Zhiye's house and the library at PSB Academy, haha.)
Anyway, thanks to Zhiye's motorola modem CD, I'm able to get back online, and start to install back all my programs. And great, there's a lot to take care of. For starters, there's AVG Free for anti-virus, Ad-Aware and Spybot for anti-spyware, BitComet and utorrent for torrents, Winamp for music, VLC player for videos, Daemon Tools for a virtual drive, Winrar for unzipping and CDisplay to read manga on my PC. Yes it's a long list, but they are all essentials.
How did my PC break down? Turns out that there are bad sectors in the partition with Windows installed, and unfortunately it's at the part where the logon files are located, thus I was unable to even log in to Windows. For a moment, I thought that the whole partition is corrupted, but after I connect this hard disk to my sis's PC (without permission, haha. It's not like she will be back anytime soon), everything inside was still intact, and I transfer all the important files to my sis's hard disk. I could have chose not to format the partition, but because it became so slow that I know that I have to do the job. It's not difficult anyway, and my data are all kept safe. Probably the only trouble is that I have to reinstall all programs and drivers. Luckily I am smart enough to keep my save files for the games in my PC, or else the time I spent on those games will be wasted.
The previous entry was written out without much thinking, and I guess I got a bit too emotional. Felt quite a change in me since if it's the me of the past, I probably wouldn't reveal anything. Keeping stuff to yourself is really bad for your health. Thanks Joy, I learn that from you (albeit in a very indirect manner), though you will probably scratch your head over this. Then again I wouldn't want people to read my heart, which is why only a selected few know of this blog, unless you have been exploring the links on my Anison Dream blog (Yes, Derf, I'm looking at you, haha. Not that I mind anyway, so no worries).
Met YPL and Joseph in Bugis, and we went to eat wanton noodles, partly because Joseph asked about my budget. When he told me that their standard expenditure per makan outing is around $40 to $50, I got quite a shock, and thank god that he did know that I'm not working and have been tight on budget. I remember last time when Phil always ask us (me + Fred + Zhiye) for makan outing, the mere mention that it will be more than $30 already give us enough reason to think wisely. Bobian, we are all poor students, ya' know? haha. Facing her, I'm still pretty quiet, and she was expecting me to talk about my experiences and such in the years that we lost contact, as she was bored. Problem is, I'm not a good storyteller, neither can I related my experiences well. A rough summary of what I have done during the years after secondary school is enough to bore her to death. Somehow I felt like I'm back to my old self, where I have problems talking. I'm only a chatterbox when it comes to topics which I'm good at, which are probably animes and games I'm interested in. And as I've mentioned before, I'm a dork at expressing myself.
In the end, we manage to start talking because she was interested in my romantic (sort of) interest (because somebody blurted it out to Joseph and Joseph also blurted it out to YPL... what a chain reaction), and I was like a person on the witness stand providing an account of events in front of the judge and the attorney. I was not the only one being bashed by her for being hesitant and having little confidence, Joseph to my surprise also got bashed for the same reasons too.
The stupidest thing I have done is to drink 3 cups of teh-o during the whole time. Left me quite dehydrated, but then it's sort of the only drink I like, since coffee is a no-no to me. Joseph was quite astonished that I keep drinking teh-o, and pointed out that it will keep me awake because of the caffeine and catechin (??) [ i think he's referring to theophylline] present. Sadly, it doesn't work on me as I'm good at sleeping anywhere, anytime.
1) You feel that a part of you is missing (the anime-watching part, the anime-music part, the blogging part, the gaming-news part, the reading-blog part etc etc etc)
2) Suddenly you have a lot of free time and you may or may not know how to use them. (In the end, I spend much of the time reading the 20-odd volumes of Detective Conan)
3) You start to worry (anxiously) about your data. Any thought of it being erased will devastate your mental health. (I mean mine)
4) You will go to any place just to use internet. (For me, it's Zhiye's house and the library at PSB Academy, haha.)
Anyway, thanks to Zhiye's motorola modem CD, I'm able to get back online, and start to install back all my programs. And great, there's a lot to take care of. For starters, there's AVG Free for anti-virus, Ad-Aware and Spybot for anti-spyware, BitComet and utorrent for torrents, Winamp for music, VLC player for videos, Daemon Tools for a virtual drive, Winrar for unzipping and CDisplay to read manga on my PC. Yes it's a long list, but they are all essentials.
How did my PC break down? Turns out that there are bad sectors in the partition with Windows installed, and unfortunately it's at the part where the logon files are located, thus I was unable to even log in to Windows. For a moment, I thought that the whole partition is corrupted, but after I connect this hard disk to my sis's PC (without permission, haha. It's not like she will be back anytime soon), everything inside was still intact, and I transfer all the important files to my sis's hard disk. I could have chose not to format the partition, but because it became so slow that I know that I have to do the job. It's not difficult anyway, and my data are all kept safe. Probably the only trouble is that I have to reinstall all programs and drivers. Luckily I am smart enough to keep my save files for the games in my PC, or else the time I spent on those games will be wasted.
The previous entry was written out without much thinking, and I guess I got a bit too emotional. Felt quite a change in me since if it's the me of the past, I probably wouldn't reveal anything. Keeping stuff to yourself is really bad for your health. Thanks Joy, I learn that from you (albeit in a very indirect manner), though you will probably scratch your head over this. Then again I wouldn't want people to read my heart, which is why only a selected few know of this blog, unless you have been exploring the links on my Anison Dream blog (Yes, Derf, I'm looking at you, haha. Not that I mind anyway, so no worries).
Met YPL and Joseph in Bugis, and we went to eat wanton noodles, partly because Joseph asked about my budget. When he told me that their standard expenditure per makan outing is around $40 to $50, I got quite a shock, and thank god that he did know that I'm not working and have been tight on budget. I remember last time when Phil always ask us (me + Fred + Zhiye) for makan outing, the mere mention that it will be more than $30 already give us enough reason to think wisely. Bobian, we are all poor students, ya' know? haha. Facing her, I'm still pretty quiet, and she was expecting me to talk about my experiences and such in the years that we lost contact, as she was bored. Problem is, I'm not a good storyteller, neither can I related my experiences well. A rough summary of what I have done during the years after secondary school is enough to bore her to death. Somehow I felt like I'm back to my old self, where I have problems talking. I'm only a chatterbox when it comes to topics which I'm good at, which are probably animes and games I'm interested in. And as I've mentioned before, I'm a dork at expressing myself.
In the end, we manage to start talking because she was interested in my romantic (sort of) interest (because somebody blurted it out to Joseph and Joseph also blurted it out to YPL... what a chain reaction), and I was like a person on the witness stand providing an account of events in front of the judge and the attorney. I was not the only one being bashed by her for being hesitant and having little confidence, Joseph to my surprise also got bashed for the same reasons too.
The stupidest thing I have done is to drink 3 cups of teh-o during the whole time. Left me quite dehydrated, but then it's sort of the only drink I like, since coffee is a no-no to me. Joseph was quite astonished that I keep drinking teh-o, and pointed out that it will keep me awake because of the caffeine and catechin (??) [ i think he's referring to theophylline] present. Sadly, it doesn't work on me as I'm good at sleeping anywhere, anytime.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Two weeks of summarised thoughts
With my module exams finished, I have some thoughts to vent out... Everything here is pretty much a condensation of these past two weeks.
The exam is supposedly easy, since after the mock paper given before is roughly 70% similar, and throughout the whole module, the lecturer has been hinting us deliberately about which sections are important. When I told my guys about it, I was bashed for that fact. Well, I wouldn't want to blame them, since for them they do not have this type of treatment. But i hate it when Phil stated that that's the way UWA teaches their students. I mean, this depends on the lecturer, isn't it? Different modules are taught by different lecturers, some are Singaporeans while some are Australians. So can you assume the whole uni is such based on a single lecturer? Maybe he mean something deeper, which I guess he might be implying the fact that I have not been doing my research properly when choosing the uni, but I will never know.
Even when the exam is probably so easy, and the possibility of getting a HD is high, I'm afraid that I will only score a D at most. Why is it so? Because sadly, I have been slacking off before the exam... Yes I have been reading, but it just did not get into my head, and somehow I do not feel the rush to study. This is the reason why I did not manage to memorise everything which I should have. Comparing this to my foundation days, where I panicked way before the exam, my anxiety did not get in until the day of the exam. After the exam, I realised I have lost about 7% of the marks on 3 questions which I do not know how to answer, and I'm angry with myself over that. But then again, with my half hearted studying, I am able to do most of the questions, yet people are complaining that the paper was harder than what they have expected. This irks me. Most of the questions inside are so predictable that it's a no-brainer. All you need to do is just to look at the exam hints and the mock paper, and you will be able to figure out the whole paper pretty much (I lost the 7% as I did not expect those questions to come out). This means that the rest of the 93% are free-frag questions. That is also why when the lecturer says that only less than 20% got HD, I was astonished.
Recently through Zhiye, Joseph wanted to meet me. Im pretty surprised at this, since both of us are not considered as friends anymore a few years back. Thinking back, it was my fault that he decides to break the bond between us. After all, at that time I'm just an asshole who don't give a damn to EVERYTHING around me. School, family, friends, the environment around me, everything, even myself. Even though friends are important to me, I do not bother to main relationships and instead I kept a laid-back attitude, where I won't do anything until somebody push me to. Being an introvert, I will rather keep to myself and so I make friends not by my own initiative but others'. I am sure Joseph was pissed at my nonchalant attitude. Thinking back, it's actually heartening to see that someone actually bother to get angry with me, which means that they do care about me. But too bad I only realise this now.
After meeting with Joseph, the biggest shock i have is that he's still in contact with YPL, and they went out together from time to time. The reason is, YPL can be considered as one of my crush. Although by this time I shouldn't feel anything towards her anymore since it's been such a long time, but it ain't easy to forget a crush, especially when she's in the same CCA as me for 4 years. Not that the thought will impact my life, but thinking of her reminds me of the awkward relationship between YPL, Joseph and me, which kinda disturbs me. So I try not to think about it. Luckily for me, memories goes as fast as they are remembered, though little bits do seep through and force me to recap any lost memories. For instance, the moment I heard that YPL was asking Joseph how am I, a particular fateful scene came as a flashback to me. This Friday, which is also Joseph's b-day, I'm supposed to meet the both of them. I wonder how much she had changed, and wonders whether I can speak normally to her as I would now. Maybe I will stammer like in the past, but hopefully not. That's too unnatural.
With the maths test of the foundation course coming soon, I do hope I will be of some use to the guys there. I know that Adeline and Shuang will be having problems, and the last time when Adeline ask me to lend her my past tutorials, I realise that they are not coping well at all. This is why when Joy ask me to teach her Complex Numbers, I'm overjoyed. I may not be good at teaching, but I at least have some confidence in the subject. After all, it's a subject I hated in the past but came to like it. When I was in secondary school, I actually like maths, but because of the Sec 2 streaming, I failed by a small margin to get into the pure science classes, and ended up with learning E.Maths only. E.Maths was a breeze, but the damage at that time to my confidence undermine my abilities to learn A.Maths when I tried in private. And with my nature of giving up easily, I gave up A.Maths pretty soon. When I go on to JC, I study AO Maths, the equivalent of A.Maths, but even then, I dislike the subjects that I'm taking, and have no interest in studying anymore. After a down period when I quit school, proceed on to NS, and working for a while after I've ORDed, I decided my path and went on to the LSF course. Fatefully, my first module was Maths. However, this time it was different. Under the influence of my lecturer Eugene, and fellow classmates Auntie Stephanie and Michelle, plus my determination at that time in dong well, I came to study hard and found the same enthusiasm in it as I've felt in primary school. Eventually, I secured an A (which I have expected. Yah, I know I'm being cocky here, haha), and for the first time in decades I've felt proud of myself. Finally I did some justice to myself, and I'm not the lousy person that I am in the past. So Joy, this is the reason why I'm able to teach you with no complaints or regrets. Teaching is kinda fun to me too.
On Saturday, out of the blue, I decides to go to school early just to crash the LSF course. I know I'm very bo liao, and probably Phil and Fred will pour sarcasm on me for this, even though Fred do it all the time, lol. When I reach the place, only Joy was around, and YM came some time later. When YM refer to me as Joy's maths tutor when we talked, although my face is straight at the time, deep in my heart I held disbelief at his remark. First thing first, it is obvious that he's the one who has been teaching Joy all along, ever since Chemistry. If you give me the choice, of course I will choose to go to him instead of me. I'm not a person who can teach well, even if the subject is what I'm good at. The fact is, he is much better at teaching. He's able to change his teaching methods depending on the person he's teaching, and he goes way beyond what have been taught. Compared to him, I do feel inferior. After all, my knowledge is just half-ass, I'm not as observant, and I have little experience. I don't know why I'm so disturbed by such a simple remark. From his expression, I'm supposed to take it as a casual remark, but knowing that he's one person that I can't understand, and that I'm ignorant and a dimwit when it comes to sarcasm, I couldn't stop myself from getting so troubled over these two simple words.
If there's two people who I'm uneasy with, it will be Joseph and YM. Phil also somehow fits the profile. Joseph because I find that his character doesn't fits mine, and technically speaking I considered my compatibility with him to be the lowest out of all my friends. We may be friendly with each other, but in my heart I know that I sorta hold some resentment against him. Don't mistake me, he has not done anything that left me with ill-feelings, not even the event when he severed friendship ties with me, but that feeling kinda lingers in my heart. YM because he's somehow multi-personality. He's a person that I sort off look up to, because of his history and knowledge, but I feel resentment whenever he treats Joy the way he did. The problem is, I know he had good intentions, and I perfectly understands it (somehow...), so I will choose to let him be, even though i always have a drive to stop him before he goes too far. And that's where the problem is. Towards me, he's a very friendly person to talk with, and as far as it goes, he doesn't not hold any ill intentions behind his back, even though he does have the ability to do so. He just choose not to, and that's the part I respect him for. He even went the extra miles to help us, which led me to believe he's a good person. Phil no longer fits the profile as well as he is before, partly due to the change in him and partly due to the fact that he bothers to look for me even when I broke off all contacts. But believe me, Phil in the past is very similar to the YM of the past, maybe with some differences. The event where a loved one passed away inducing a huge change in philosophies and ideals happen to the both of them. Both are manipulative, intelligently work-smart and calculative. The major difference is probably the extreme obsession Phil has with his new-found religion at that time (he was an atheist before he went into Christianity), and it was scary to me.
I cannot express myself well, and it's difficult for me to put myself in others' shoes, to think of the feelings of others in a rational manner, and to be able to understand what others are thinking. If it was me in the past, I will close off my thoughts and just do whatever I deem fit (commonly I'm criticised by Fred to be in my own "la-la" land). Shutting down my mind is one of the easiest tasks for me, which is why all these years I've failed to mature emotionally. I did not bother to take note of my surroundings, I did not bother to think deep enough, I did not bother to dive into the true meaning of life. Not that I don't want to, but there's this stoppage that prevents me from doing so. Whenever my mind start to think complicated stuff, somehow there's a self-defense mechanism that is activated to shut down my thinking process, or so I think. I will call this the "blank state of mind". In this state, I fail to visualise my thoughts properly (normally I already have problems visualising...), but I'm able to do what I think, except that I have no idea how does the thought translate into action when I can't feel it in my mind, which reminds me, might I be feeling my subconsciousness instead? Anyway, this state occurs after another another state, which i dubbed the "active state of mind". In this state, i start to think rationally and critically in ways that I couldn't have in a normal state. Visualisations became possible, and they are so real that I'm able to feel it happening, even when the event in reality did not occur. Problem is, after a while, imaginations will start to run wild, random thoughts start to come in, and suddenly the strands linking my thoughts are severed. I tend to become kinda paranoid in this state when all the mumble jumble get messy. It's usually at the peak or the end of the randomness when I move on to my "blank state of mind". In this blank state, I will normally just wait for it to go away. But when I'm at the wrong place, I do all sorts of stupid things to myself to knock myself back to normal.
Which is why I love to keep to myself. Since expressing is so hard, keeping quiet will be the easy way out. You know, I'm kinda surprised that with my sort of personality, I actually have friends to count on. If I'm them, I will just give up on myself. There's absolutely no benefits from having a friendship with me. This is what I think I will have thought in the past.
But then again, I do feel grateful to Phil, Zhiye, Fred and the other guys for accepting me the way I am, even when I broke off ALL contacts during the half a year after I've quited school. This led me to cherish the friendship I have with them, and I promised myself that I will not take it for granted like what I did before. And now I'm glad that I choose the path that I walk now. It might not be the best choice, but I did feel the change in me and I came to know all my foundation guys. At the very least, I continue to walk forward instead of being stagnant like what I did in JC.
With my PC down, it was a surprise how I manage to blog this entry. I took two sessions, once at home as I managed to log on to Windows (but it soon died on me after I saved the entry), and the second time when the foundation guys are having their maths test. Now I realise that I spend too much time on writing a single blog. Calculating, this entry actually spend me 4 hours to finish, and if Fred was to know about it, his sarcasm will start to come in again.
The exam is supposedly easy, since after the mock paper given before is roughly 70% similar, and throughout the whole module, the lecturer has been hinting us deliberately about which sections are important. When I told my guys about it, I was bashed for that fact. Well, I wouldn't want to blame them, since for them they do not have this type of treatment. But i hate it when Phil stated that that's the way UWA teaches their students. I mean, this depends on the lecturer, isn't it? Different modules are taught by different lecturers, some are Singaporeans while some are Australians. So can you assume the whole uni is such based on a single lecturer? Maybe he mean something deeper, which I guess he might be implying the fact that I have not been doing my research properly when choosing the uni, but I will never know.
Even when the exam is probably so easy, and the possibility of getting a HD is high, I'm afraid that I will only score a D at most. Why is it so? Because sadly, I have been slacking off before the exam... Yes I have been reading, but it just did not get into my head, and somehow I do not feel the rush to study. This is the reason why I did not manage to memorise everything which I should have. Comparing this to my foundation days, where I panicked way before the exam, my anxiety did not get in until the day of the exam. After the exam, I realised I have lost about 7% of the marks on 3 questions which I do not know how to answer, and I'm angry with myself over that. But then again, with my half hearted studying, I am able to do most of the questions, yet people are complaining that the paper was harder than what they have expected. This irks me. Most of the questions inside are so predictable that it's a no-brainer. All you need to do is just to look at the exam hints and the mock paper, and you will be able to figure out the whole paper pretty much (I lost the 7% as I did not expect those questions to come out). This means that the rest of the 93% are free-frag questions. That is also why when the lecturer says that only less than 20% got HD, I was astonished.
Recently through Zhiye, Joseph wanted to meet me. Im pretty surprised at this, since both of us are not considered as friends anymore a few years back. Thinking back, it was my fault that he decides to break the bond between us. After all, at that time I'm just an asshole who don't give a damn to EVERYTHING around me. School, family, friends, the environment around me, everything, even myself. Even though friends are important to me, I do not bother to main relationships and instead I kept a laid-back attitude, where I won't do anything until somebody push me to. Being an introvert, I will rather keep to myself and so I make friends not by my own initiative but others'. I am sure Joseph was pissed at my nonchalant attitude. Thinking back, it's actually heartening to see that someone actually bother to get angry with me, which means that they do care about me. But too bad I only realise this now.
After meeting with Joseph, the biggest shock i have is that he's still in contact with YPL, and they went out together from time to time. The reason is, YPL can be considered as one of my crush. Although by this time I shouldn't feel anything towards her anymore since it's been such a long time, but it ain't easy to forget a crush, especially when she's in the same CCA as me for 4 years. Not that the thought will impact my life, but thinking of her reminds me of the awkward relationship between YPL, Joseph and me, which kinda disturbs me. So I try not to think about it. Luckily for me, memories goes as fast as they are remembered, though little bits do seep through and force me to recap any lost memories. For instance, the moment I heard that YPL was asking Joseph how am I, a particular fateful scene came as a flashback to me. This Friday, which is also Joseph's b-day, I'm supposed to meet the both of them. I wonder how much she had changed, and wonders whether I can speak normally to her as I would now. Maybe I will stammer like in the past, but hopefully not. That's too unnatural.
With the maths test of the foundation course coming soon, I do hope I will be of some use to the guys there. I know that Adeline and Shuang will be having problems, and the last time when Adeline ask me to lend her my past tutorials, I realise that they are not coping well at all. This is why when Joy ask me to teach her Complex Numbers, I'm overjoyed. I may not be good at teaching, but I at least have some confidence in the subject. After all, it's a subject I hated in the past but came to like it. When I was in secondary school, I actually like maths, but because of the Sec 2 streaming, I failed by a small margin to get into the pure science classes, and ended up with learning E.Maths only. E.Maths was a breeze, but the damage at that time to my confidence undermine my abilities to learn A.Maths when I tried in private. And with my nature of giving up easily, I gave up A.Maths pretty soon. When I go on to JC, I study AO Maths, the equivalent of A.Maths, but even then, I dislike the subjects that I'm taking, and have no interest in studying anymore. After a down period when I quit school, proceed on to NS, and working for a while after I've ORDed, I decided my path and went on to the LSF course. Fatefully, my first module was Maths. However, this time it was different. Under the influence of my lecturer Eugene, and fellow classmates Auntie Stephanie and Michelle, plus my determination at that time in dong well, I came to study hard and found the same enthusiasm in it as I've felt in primary school. Eventually, I secured an A (which I have expected. Yah, I know I'm being cocky here, haha), and for the first time in decades I've felt proud of myself. Finally I did some justice to myself, and I'm not the lousy person that I am in the past. So Joy, this is the reason why I'm able to teach you with no complaints or regrets. Teaching is kinda fun to me too.
On Saturday, out of the blue, I decides to go to school early just to crash the LSF course. I know I'm very bo liao, and probably Phil and Fred will pour sarcasm on me for this, even though Fred do it all the time, lol. When I reach the place, only Joy was around, and YM came some time later. When YM refer to me as Joy's maths tutor when we talked, although my face is straight at the time, deep in my heart I held disbelief at his remark. First thing first, it is obvious that he's the one who has been teaching Joy all along, ever since Chemistry. If you give me the choice, of course I will choose to go to him instead of me. I'm not a person who can teach well, even if the subject is what I'm good at. The fact is, he is much better at teaching. He's able to change his teaching methods depending on the person he's teaching, and he goes way beyond what have been taught. Compared to him, I do feel inferior. After all, my knowledge is just half-ass, I'm not as observant, and I have little experience. I don't know why I'm so disturbed by such a simple remark. From his expression, I'm supposed to take it as a casual remark, but knowing that he's one person that I can't understand, and that I'm ignorant and a dimwit when it comes to sarcasm, I couldn't stop myself from getting so troubled over these two simple words.
If there's two people who I'm uneasy with, it will be Joseph and YM. Phil also somehow fits the profile. Joseph because I find that his character doesn't fits mine, and technically speaking I considered my compatibility with him to be the lowest out of all my friends. We may be friendly with each other, but in my heart I know that I sorta hold some resentment against him. Don't mistake me, he has not done anything that left me with ill-feelings, not even the event when he severed friendship ties with me, but that feeling kinda lingers in my heart. YM because he's somehow multi-personality. He's a person that I sort off look up to, because of his history and knowledge, but I feel resentment whenever he treats Joy the way he did. The problem is, I know he had good intentions, and I perfectly understands it (somehow...), so I will choose to let him be, even though i always have a drive to stop him before he goes too far. And that's where the problem is. Towards me, he's a very friendly person to talk with, and as far as it goes, he doesn't not hold any ill intentions behind his back, even though he does have the ability to do so. He just choose not to, and that's the part I respect him for. He even went the extra miles to help us, which led me to believe he's a good person. Phil no longer fits the profile as well as he is before, partly due to the change in him and partly due to the fact that he bothers to look for me even when I broke off all contacts. But believe me, Phil in the past is very similar to the YM of the past, maybe with some differences. The event where a loved one passed away inducing a huge change in philosophies and ideals happen to the both of them. Both are manipulative, intelligently work-smart and calculative. The major difference is probably the extreme obsession Phil has with his new-found religion at that time (he was an atheist before he went into Christianity), and it was scary to me.
I cannot express myself well, and it's difficult for me to put myself in others' shoes, to think of the feelings of others in a rational manner, and to be able to understand what others are thinking. If it was me in the past, I will close off my thoughts and just do whatever I deem fit (commonly I'm criticised by Fred to be in my own "la-la" land). Shutting down my mind is one of the easiest tasks for me, which is why all these years I've failed to mature emotionally. I did not bother to take note of my surroundings, I did not bother to think deep enough, I did not bother to dive into the true meaning of life. Not that I don't want to, but there's this stoppage that prevents me from doing so. Whenever my mind start to think complicated stuff, somehow there's a self-defense mechanism that is activated to shut down my thinking process, or so I think. I will call this the "blank state of mind". In this state, I fail to visualise my thoughts properly (normally I already have problems visualising...), but I'm able to do what I think, except that I have no idea how does the thought translate into action when I can't feel it in my mind, which reminds me, might I be feeling my subconsciousness instead? Anyway, this state occurs after another another state, which i dubbed the "active state of mind". In this state, i start to think rationally and critically in ways that I couldn't have in a normal state. Visualisations became possible, and they are so real that I'm able to feel it happening, even when the event in reality did not occur. Problem is, after a while, imaginations will start to run wild, random thoughts start to come in, and suddenly the strands linking my thoughts are severed. I tend to become kinda paranoid in this state when all the mumble jumble get messy. It's usually at the peak or the end of the randomness when I move on to my "blank state of mind". In this blank state, I will normally just wait for it to go away. But when I'm at the wrong place, I do all sorts of stupid things to myself to knock myself back to normal.
Which is why I love to keep to myself. Since expressing is so hard, keeping quiet will be the easy way out. You know, I'm kinda surprised that with my sort of personality, I actually have friends to count on. If I'm them, I will just give up on myself. There's absolutely no benefits from having a friendship with me. This is what I think I will have thought in the past.
But then again, I do feel grateful to Phil, Zhiye, Fred and the other guys for accepting me the way I am, even when I broke off ALL contacts during the half a year after I've quited school. This led me to cherish the friendship I have with them, and I promised myself that I will not take it for granted like what I did before. And now I'm glad that I choose the path that I walk now. It might not be the best choice, but I did feel the change in me and I came to know all my foundation guys. At the very least, I continue to walk forward instead of being stagnant like what I did in JC.
With my PC down, it was a surprise how I manage to blog this entry. I took two sessions, once at home as I managed to log on to Windows (but it soon died on me after I saved the entry), and the second time when the foundation guys are having their maths test. Now I realise that I spend too much time on writing a single blog. Calculating, this entry actually spend me 4 hours to finish, and if Fred was to know about it, his sarcasm will start to come in again.
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